It is impossible to live without tense situations in a relationship with a person. How to get out of a quarrel with the least loss? How to quarrel correctly so that a showdown ends with reconciliatory sex?
It is impossible to live without tense situations in relations with a person - unless in an ideal universe. The author suggests rules that will help to make the quarrel more "environmentally friendly", "bloodless" and get out of it "with less losses."
And now, in hot pursuit, I will share how we quarrel. Just yesterday we had a big job, and this experience, I hope, will help someone to go their own way in some other way. I don't even know how: more environmentally friendly? more bloodless? with less losses? No, I cannot wish someone less losses, let everyone lose exactly what he needs to lose. Therefore, without wishes: here is our experience, take what you need.
For five years of dating and three years of marriage, we have accumulated a good experience of quarrels. We swear regularly, we parted with our things twice. Our quarrels end in greater intimacy, after the obstacles to our relations burn out in their fire. I do not want to rush tags, they say we are a happy couple, we love each other - I don't understand much about this. In general, everything, like people, we are still together, and our story continues together. This is quite enough for me.
The second rule is to say, "I feel this way and that way." That is, to speak of yourself and only yourself. Do not interpret what the other is saying, do not attack his point of view or feelings (“what you say is complete nonsense, it was all wrong”), do not interfere with his opinion (“stop it, I’ve already heard this a hundred times”). At the same time, speak yourself only about the relationship, and not about the other ("I feel that we are", but not "I feel that you are").
If we can express ourselves clearly, 80% of our fights end at this stage and turn into sex. Because the passion of the moment remains, but the hindrances go away, and what to do with this passion?
If not, let's move on.
The third rule: express what you are missing in the relationship., how I would like to see them, and what I myself am ready to do for this. A little glimpse into the future, a little daydreaming, but again speaking only myself. This opens the way forward, and even if not all has been said yet, you part after making sure of each other's goodwill. Then the world will return, if not now, then in the morning.
And finally, about love. I really don't know what it is, but I think sometimes I feel her for Ayuna like a rock in the middle of the ocean. When there is a storm (quarrel) at sea, she is not visible, but as soon as the waves recede, she becomes naked and stands alone in the middle of the window, unshakable, as before. And then all the quarrels and showdowns seem ridiculous compared to the desire to hug. And I hug.
