Is it difficult to communicate with strangers? Do you think that those around you do not hear you or you cannot prove your point of view and win over others? How do you learn to talk to anyone?
Let go of the fear
Sometimes each of us hesitates to start a conversation or express our opinion on a particular issue. At the same time, you can have a close friend or a stranger in front of you. Typically, this situation arises from a lack of the right skills: you just do not know how to start or conduct a conversation. It is not your thoughts that keep you from acting: the feeling of fear they generate stops you. However, everything can be fixed - just practice is enough.
The fear of talking to a stranger is based on ideas about the situation and, as a rule, assumptions about its outcome.
To solve this problem, try looking at the situation from a different angle. Try to perceive the conversation with the other person as if it is a common thing that you encounter all the time.
The exercise. Fighting fear
To finally say goodbye to fear, try to accept and let go of this feeling. Do the following:
1. Notice the emergence of any unpleasant, chilling feelings of fear - even the mild one that occurs in everyday life.
2. Notice it and when fear arises, focus fully on it.
3. Feel this fear, focus on it, not allowing your consciousness to carry away after the thoughts that gave rise to fear. Instead, focus on the feeling of fear: just observe it as a sensation inside the body, let it be there.
4. Do not resist it, think of it as you think, for example, a mild itch: you notice it as a sensation, but this itch does not start a cycle of negative thoughts, suppressive and depressing, it is just a sensation.
5. Allow this feeling to be and just say to yourself: "This is it, this feeling" - when you focus on it, it will gradually disappear. Let him go.
Take care of your appearance
Attractiveness is a precious capital, a source of great benefits for the owner. Despite the fact that everyone likes to repeat the saying “do not drink water from your face”, in fact, everyone likes beautiful people. This is why you need to take care of your appearance to build effective communication.
Studies have shown that people with good looks, regardless of gender, are more likely to come to the rescue, because everyone wants to become more attractive in the eyes of beautiful people.
It's no surprise that handsome men and women are generally considered more talented, kind, honest, and intelligent. The same applies to everyday communication - you want to communicate with more attractive people over and over again.
That is why, before going to a meeting or public speaking, pay attention to your appearance. You have to fit the situation - if this is a meeting of sports fans, it would be inappropriate to come in a jacket and tie. Likewise, you shouldn't go to dinner with a potential investor in sneakers. Make sure that your appearance encourages others to communicate.
Find common ground
Common things bring people closer together. Finding common ground quickly leads them to mutual understanding and creates an atmosphere of friendship and trust. According to Aristotle, "we love those who are like us and pursue the same goals … We love those who desire the same as we do."
It will be easy to start communication if you find common ground with the person you are interested in. Each of us unconsciously believes that others think and feel the same way as we do, especially when we encounter someone for the first time. Based on this prejudice, when you first meet a person, you should look for something that can bind you.
It is here that the most important part of easy communication between people opens up: learn to listen.
To find common ground, listen to the interlocutor and take a closer look at what he is doing. For example, he went for a walk with a child, plays a game on a tablet, solves a crossword puzzle - all this is very useful information in terms of where to start a conversation and find common interests. Having studied the behavior of the interlocutor, after listening to his opinion and asking counter questions, it will be much easier for you to dispose him for further productive communication.
Harness the power of your voice
The voice is your main tool in communicating with people. How you convey information determines how you perceive it in many ways. That is why you should practice and understand how you better communicate with the interlocutor.
Tone. It is very important to monitor the tone of speech, as the same words can be perceived as humorous, funny or serious. A good example is the phrase "Get away from me." You can convey one message by saying this phrase in a strict and angry tone, or you can convey a completely different idea by saying these words in a slightly surprised tone.
The right tone helps keep the person interested in the conversation. Therefore, when talking about something, be sure to watch your tone.
Pause. The pause can be used, for example, to reinforce, underline a phrase before the next one will sound. When combined with a certain facial expression, such as an interrogative raising of eyebrows, a long pause can force the person to give some answer or take part in a conversation. It is also important to be lively enough during a conversation, so when you talk about something, include facial expressions and gestures.
Pace. To build rapport, try to bring your speech pace closer to that of the other person as much as possible. For example, if he speaks quickly, try speaking at the same pace and vice versa. You will be surprised how effective this method is. Try it!
When you need to convince
If you are going to give a presentation, participate in negotiations, or you need to convince colleagues in making this or that decision, then use a technique called the "lawyer's method."
What do lawyers do before starting to defend their client? They replay the opponent's defense in their minds. What should you do? List on a piece of paper everything that you think other participants in the meeting will demand and advocate and that is the opposite of what you want to achieve. Be as specific as possible: if you have the information you need, try to "attribute" specific objections to the specific people you will be talking to.
This will help you prepare your speech ahead of time, answer any questions, and deliver flawlessly. Good luck!