2023 Author: Katelyn Chandter | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 13:08
Sometimes relationships fall apart and love leaves. It's time to cut the ropes, forget the past and move on. Several ways that can help you get over the breakup, go in search of new love and adventure.
Ending a relationship is always difficult, whether it was your decision or your partner's. You are in pain and you want it to end sooner. There are several ways that you can help you cope and move on: describe your feelings, allow yourself to grieve, and take the time to enter new relationships. Remember that time heals, and be patient. If it doesn't feel better over time, you can always turn to family and friends for support, and, if necessary, to a psychotherapist.
How to get over a breakup
1. Work on feelings
1.1 Think about your relationship. Consider all the reasons you and your ex or ex split up. Accept the fact that while you were good together for a while, in the end something went wrong. Analyzing the reasons for the breakup will help you understand why you need to move on. In addition, understanding how you yourself influenced the end of the relationship can help you avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Ask yourself the following questions.
Did my behavior affect the fact that we broke up? If so, what exactly did I do?
Do I have a tendency to choose partners of the same type? If so, what do they have in common? Are they right for me? Why?
Have I had similar problems in a previous relationship? If so, why do I constantly encounter them? What can I do differently next time?
1.2 Write about your feelings. Get a journal or try writing poetry. Above all, be honest and don't correct what you write. One of the advantages of this method is that once you put the problem down on paper, you can suddenly see it from the inside, getting to the heart of it. Causal relationships will become clearer, and as the bitterness of loss diminishes, it will be much easier for you to learn valuable life lessons from what happened.
Try writing down your feelings every day after your breakup until you feel better. For example, start each journal entry with the words: "It has been ___ days since we parted, and I feel that …" Then describe your experiences in more detail. This will allow you to see how your emotions change over time and work on some of them.
Try writing a letter to your ex, but don't send it. Sometimes it's helpful to just put your feelings on paper. However, sending such a letter is a bad idea. This letter is for you only, so state everything you would like to say or do in it. There is no point in saying what happened over and over again, so imagine that with this letter you are telling him or her how you felt about the breakup for the last time.
Try to write a story. Think back to how it all began, and document the history of your relationship from start to finish. It can be very difficult for you, but you will see a wider picture of what happened. When you get to the last chapter, close it on an optimistic note and write "End."
1.3 Deal with your anger. When we feel that we have been mistreated or mistreated, anger rises in us. The best way to deal with him in a situation where you are not communicating with your ex is to relax.
Breathe deeply and focus on letting your muscles naturally relax. Calm music often helps.
1.4 Don't give up on your decision. If you initiated the breakup, keep in mind that by focusing on the good old days with your partner, you may forget why you decided to end the relationship. Likewise, try not to think about what can still be fixed if the decision was not yours. People tend to romanticize all the good things in a relationship and convince themselves that the bad wasn't so bad. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation as it is and try to move forward.
1.5 Remind yourself of the negative traits of your ex. Concentrating on what you didn't like about him or her will help you cope with the breakup faster. Try to make a list of all the unpleasant things he did. For example, he belched loudly after dinner, or made plans without asking for your opinion, or forgot about your birthday. List every little thing you didn't like.
1.6 Find reasons why you are better off without him or her. Not only remind yourself of all the annoying qualities and habits of your ex, but also look for the positive side of the breakup. Make another list in which you list all the reasons why you are better off without him than with him.
For example, your ex may have disapproved or laughed at your efforts to lead a healthy lifestyle, but now no one will stop you from eating a healthy diet and paying more attention to yourself. Or maybe he never wanted to do what you wanted, and now you are free to do whatever you please. List all the benefits of your breakup.
2. Deal with emotional pain
2.1 Understand that it is okay to suffer in your situation. After a breakup, it's natural to experience sadness, anger, fear, and other unpleasant emotions. You may even feel like you will be forever alone and never be happy again. Just remind yourself that it's okay to feel overwhelmed after a breakup, and that you need these experiences to move on.
2.2 Break away from your routine. After the relationship ends, you may need to quit your regular routine for a while. It can help you deal with your feelings and deal better later on. Above all, don't do anything that jeopardizes your relationships with other people or your way of making a living.
For example, you can skip a week at the gym without much repercussions, but you can't give up work for a week. If you and your friends have plans and you want to cancel them until you come to your senses, honestly explain the situation.
2.3 Allow yourself to grieve about a broken relationship. Ending a relationship leaves a huge void in your heart, and it can take quite a while for it to drag on. Be sure to allow yourself to grieve for the loss and relive the pain; if you ignore it and keep it in yourself, then only postpone the return to normal life. Cry, cry, scream - throw all negative emotions out.
Try to frame yourself for how much time during the day you set aside to grieve about the relationship. So you will give vent to emotions, but you will not indulge in them around the clock.
2.4 Surround yourself with people who can support you. You need people around you who love you and help you feel better. When you are surrounded by friends and family who are sympathetic and ready to help, you will not feel like a worthless person, and your life will be more likely to return to normal.
Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for support if you need to talk or cry on someone's shoulder.
2.5 Find a way of consolation that is not harmful to your health. Your first impulse may be to ignore the pain or numb it with alcohol, drugs or food, but this is not a solution. Say a firm no to these destructive ways to deal with pain. Instead, try to find paths that will lead you to true recovery and even growth.
Try to find a new hobby to keep you busy while you wake up. Sign up for courses, join a club, learn something on your own. Being passionate about a new business will allow you to regain self-confidence, distract you from your worries for a short time, and help build self-esteem by knowing that you have learned something interesting or useful.
2.6 See a psychotherapist if the pain is too severe. Most often, people are able to recover themselves after a breakup, but not everyone has this ability. If you are struggling to deal with emotional pain, or if you feel like you’ve gotten depressed as a result of the breakup, seek professional help as soon as possible.
3. Move on
3.1 Maintain your distance. Even if you and your ex or ex decide to remain friends, you should stop all communication immediately after the breakup. No meetings with him or even with his family members, no calls, emails, SMS, Skype or Facebook messages. This does not mean that you should never talk again, but communication should be stopped until you finally get over the breakup.
If he or she is trying to convince you to see you, honestly ask yourself what the point is. If the meeting forces you to mentally return to the past, it will be too easy to succumb to the momentary impulse - but the more difficult it is to come to terms again.
If contact is unavoidable for practical reasons - for example, you need to move your belongings from a partner, sign documents, and the like - try to keep communication to the absolutely necessary minimum. Keep calls or meetings short and business-like.
3.2 Organize your living space. The gap can herald a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and putting things in order in your personal space will give you fresh strength and readiness for a new life. Clutter is depressing, depressing, and exacerbating the stress you already experience. Cleaning does not require serious mental effort, but still you have to concentrate on it and, therefore, distract yourself from painful experiences.
Clean up your room, put up new posters, clean your computer desktop of unnecessary icons. As minor as cleaning may seem to you, you will feel better afterwards.
3.3 Get rid of what is causing painful memories. Lots of things will remind you of your ex - songs, smells, sounds, places. When they are around you, it is more difficult to heal after a breakup. Take away all the things that make your heart squeeze. Releasing them can really work wonders.
If you have a keepsake from your ex, such as a watch or jewelry, there is nothing wrong with keeping it. However, try to move it away and not reach it until the relationship finally recedes into the past for you.
3.4 Get out of the house and live life to the fullest. After the end of the relationship, it is normal to spend some time at home, alone with yourself. However, having dealt with feelings, you should no longer hide from the world around you. Plan, spend time with friends, have fun! You may feel awkward at first, but over time it will pass and you will feel better. Getting out of the house and doing something is very important because after a breakup you need to grow and maintain your social circle in order to move forward.
Don't feel like you have to spend time with other people all the time. Come out to do your favorite things and enjoy the freedom. Go to your favorite café, go shopping, or take a mini vacation.
3.5 Do not rush headlong into new relationships. Often people after a breakup immediately enter into new relationships in order to forget the previous ones. However, this idea is not always smart. When you start dating someone too soon, you may just be trying to suppress negative emotions with the excitement and excitement that new relationships bring you. However, if they turn out to be a failure, you will be in pain from two partings at once. It's better to be without a partner for a while, until you cope with your emotions and are really ready to start all over again.
3.6 Continue to take care of yourself. After a breakup, a person can often give up on himself, but this will not bring relief. Don't forget the simple things that keep you physically, mentally, and mentally fit. If you didn't take care of yourself enough before the relationship ended, now is the time to fix it. Try to eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly to feel your best.
Eat a balanced diet with more fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein foods. Avoid junk food, do not get carried away by sugar and fats.
Sleep for 7-8 hours. Consider your individual needs: some people need less than 7 hours of sleep a night, others, on the contrary, need more than 8 hours.
Exercise for 30 minutes 5 days a week. Go for a half-hour walk, cycle around town, go for a swim in
Relax for at least 15 minutes a day. Try meditation, breathing exercises, or yoga.
Keep in mind that a former partner can also be upset about breaking up with you. Be understanding and keep your distance. If you decide not to meet again, do not date.
Remember it's okay to cry and let your emotions out. You will feel better than if you had everything to yourself.
Try to have a symbolic ceremony. Just as people say goodbye to the lost whose bodies will never be found, say goodbye to a relationship that will never return. Gather things that remind you of your ex and burn them or donate them to a charity. Compose your goodbye speech and say it out loud.