I hate all these dull, bourgeois curtsies and concessions to public morality, definitions - "free relationship", "open marriage." If there is a connection, no dogmas, signs, boundaries, laws are needed.
- Why don't you want a normal relationship ?! - Misha asks his friend.
I hate all these dull, bourgeois curtsies and concessions to public morality, definitions - "free relationship", "open marriage."
But Misha has such a relationship. From the very beginning.
The difficulty is that after much agony and doubts, his friend had sex with his (Mishina's) wife - and now he is suffering.
“I can't do that,” he says. - She has to choose.
It's normal for Misha when his girlfriend has a lover. For a friend - when his girlfriend has him.
I tell this story to a friend - and I see that she is not very interested. If I torment her with whining about the latest fight with my man, she will accept it with much more inspiration. Because man, a fight is normal.
- Well, it's all good for two or three weeks. As an experience, - she expresses her opinion.
It hurts me. I had such a relationship - two girls and one young man. And it was not an "experience." Everything with us was somewhat dramatic: she loved me a little more than I loved her, and he loved her more than she loved him. Everyone suffered from time to time.
I don’t want our feelings, our drama to be devalued like this, to be dismissed as "experience." It was a passionate and tender romance, and we, though not always, were happy. And I still remember these lovers of mine with a very special feeling - I see them brighter and more distinctly than even my ex-husbands.
And I will definitely be furious if someone calls my relationship abnormal.
“Abnormal” is when people stuff a morality and ethics Talmud up their ass and wear barbed wire shorts so as not to succumb to temptation. Although this is not so extraordinary, if they really enjoy it. If they enjoy it. It is important that they do not try to lecture you and do not want to put on you an anti-sin alarm.
There is a friend, he has a wife and a mistress. Nobody really wants a divorce. The mistress likes that she has her own life. My wife is not interested in what my friend likes in sex. At the same time, none of them are happy, because from time to time they remember what “normal” is and start to go crazy. The mistress is eager to get married. The wife makes scandals. A friend in a panic begins to promise both of them what is impossible in advance. Everyone goes to analysts and drinks antidepressants.
They have been close for many years, but they just cannot come to terms with the fact that they live as "not accepted".
But I see more and more people who are already sick of what is considered a "healthy" relationship. A friend of mine invites friends to have sex with her and her husband. Both men and women - there is a theme of bisexuality. Many are scared: "Oh-oh, how is that?" But, on the other hand, what is it? Why is it better to run in your pants down to your mistress in Pechatniki, and then pretend that you are stuck in a traffic jam (and, apparently, finished in your pants right on the way)?
There was a not very successful TV series with a great title Abnormal is The New Normal. Like "Abnormal - new is normal." This is true. Abnormal is normal.
Over the past forty years, people have begun to live differently. Various taboo things suddenly became commonplace. Women don't want to get married. Women after forty have young lovers. Men do manicure and shave their pubis. The three of them live openly. After all, babies are made from a test tube.
Does anyone else seriously think that such a vague concept as “norm” has survived?
My friend's lover lives with her and her husband. (He has no connection with her husband.) This friend communicates with her husband's mistresses - they are friends, help each other. The latter, however, does not suit them: she is somehow arrogant and boorish.
I know a lot of people who have long faces and they will say, "It shouldn't be this way."
But life is becoming more and more like a kaleidoscope - the pieces of the mosaic are the same, but in new combinations. We use what we have, because in one place we like it, and in another we don’t like it. We supplement, expand the boundaries, negotiate anew - and, perhaps, at some point we achieve harmony (if we do not blame ourselves and do not apply our personal patterns to the general yardstick).
My friend Misha is envied by his friends - they see his relationship with his wife in such a way that it is like she “lets him go for a walk”. They want to adapt everything to their view of the world and cannot understand that no one is “letting go”, and people just live in another dimension, where love and responsibility have nothing to do with the genitals. And where is love so immeasurable that there is more of it than for two.
Life is so extraordinary, strange and exciting now that sometimes even gay men want sex with the women they admire. Even these stereotypes are being destroyed.
My girlfriend lives with two gay men (one of them is bisexual). They already have a very long and strong relationship. This is not just sex and it is not an "experience." A friend, by the way, received an excellent financial education, but after university she started working as a coach - she likes this kind of life. This is her choice.
And the fact is that conventions deprive us of choice. You have to be like that. Yellow, ribbed, organic, and there is certainly sawdust for breakfast. If you are blue, everyone condemns you. You are a pariah. You're wrong. Your wife will leave you, and your friends will lock you in a dark room with nails sticking out of the walls. And even the last upset earthworm will consider itself better than you.
But choice is cool. The meaning of life is not in routine, but in diversity - and this should not be despised, even if a group of bearded elders decided five thousand years ago that this should not be so.
People should respect others' choices, and encourage them, and not judge, and be kind.
After all, relationships are not in bed, not in religious books, not in vows, but in materials that, like Wi-Fi, are invisible to the eye, but you still feel and even use their presence.
If there is a connection, no dogmas, signs, boundaries, laws are needed. This is all a substitution for those who do not know what love is.