There are outwardly attractive, but absolutely not charismatic people. There is such a word - charisma. If a person is charismatic, other people are drawn to her.
Charisma is leadership. She also differs in gender - there is male and female charisma. Many people think that charisma is all about charm and attraction. But there are attractive, but absolutely not charismatic people. Interest and mystery are also not related to charisma. As a rule, everything is obvious in men, but this does not prevent some of them from being charismatic. Charisma is also not equal to charisma. Any charismatic person has charisma, but not every charming person has charisma.
The ability to act without thinking
When a person acts strictly within the framework of etiquette, he is definitely not charismatic.
Charismatics are characterized by unpredictable behavior. He acts spontaneously, without hesitation, without looking back at the opinions of others, but he is still forgiven for lapses in his behavior.
Imagine two men who need to leave a big, noisy, friendly company. One of them explains: “I have an important meeting. I am very pleased with you, but, unfortunately, I have to go. " They answer him: "Well, you go - and go!" - and they look at him with dislike or like an idiot. The second looks around everyone and says: “Damn it, such a beautiful girl is waiting for me, and I sit here and look at your smart faces. Everything, I "drove". Everyone laughs and remains satisfied, despite the fact that he still leaves.
So, the first sign of charismatic behavior is spontaneity, that is, the ability to act without thinking about your actions.
Many probably noticed that in a state of light alcoholic intoxication, they are much easier and more free to contact people. It is believed that "the brakes are released", but in fact, to achieve this effect, you need to drink about a liter of strong alcohol. So in most cases, this is just a "excuse", an opportunity to justify their unworthy behavior by saying that "I'm sorry, I abused."
There is such an anecdote: a drinking establishment opened in the forest. A hare came - "abused" fifty grams. A wolf in two hundred. And then a bear came and asked to pour him twenty grams. The wolf says: "Well, how is it - even the hare used fifty!" The bear replies: "For me, just for the smell, I have enough foolishness and mine is enough!"
Since the vast majority of people need alcohol only in order to have an excuse for their behavior, then drinking it is not at all necessary.
It is quite enough to use a perfume with the smell of alcohol or moisten your hand with alcohol and hold your physiognomy. After that, the fragrant person can behave as she pleases.
It is known that a person who is deeply intoxicated can fall from a height or take part in a physical conflict and not receive any serious injury.
A sober, collected, concentrated person, walking down the street, can stumble and break his leg, and a drunk "into the trash" can fall out of the window of the third floor, get up and calmly move on.
A drunk person has no fear; due to spontaneous behavior, his body is relaxed.
No wonder one of the most powerful schools of martial arts is called "The Drunken Fist" - people learn to parody the state and movements of drunkards, while remaining in a clear consciousness.
Lack of fear is reflected in behavior. A charismatic person does not think for a second and is not afraid of the reaction of others - therefore, it is much easier for him than for an ordinary person to get to know someone, and be rude to someone, and charm someone.
Some guy burst into the apartment of one man. He held a firearm in his hand and shouted that, according to his information, the landlord slept with his wife.
In such an extreme situation, most people would start making excuses, and it would end sadly: the attacker was "on edge" and could well have fired. The owner of the apartment looked this guy in the eye, threw up his hands and said: "Who hasn't slept with her ?!" The attacker fell into a stupor, dropped the pistol and began rubbing tears down his cheeks. The owner picked up the gun, hid it and began to console his "guest", explaining that everything is not so scary, that they are comrades in misfortune, and so on … In the end, the jealous husband calmed down and left. Who was the woman in question, whether there was treason on her part, and if so, then with this man or with another - and remained behind the scenes.
The landlord was saved by an instant reaction, spontaneous behavior. The type who rushed in to him could fire in response to any remark - only the Control Program of the Universal Matrix knows whether he would have fired or not. But it was precisely one spoken phrase that changed the situation, turned out to be key for him - he dropped the pistol and burst into tears.
A person with a normal head will not find such an answer in a split second. To do this, you need to do a flashing in your head.
In the center of the city of St. Petersburg, a man refills his car. Suddenly a luxurious car drives up, where four men are sitting, each with their faces all over the windshield. One "face" lowers the glass and declares that it is much more important for them to refuel quickly. And that this man must quickly drive away, otherwise they will come out and perform plastic surgery on him without anesthesia. The man turns, grabs the hose and starts pouring gasoline onto the roof of this luxurious car - a decent amount is poured out until the dispatcher finally realizes what needs to be turned off. Then he takes out a Zipo lighter, which does not go out in the wind, and strikes a fire. And he asks the question: "Well, the deceased, have you gone away?" Four men are sitting in a luxury car, sweat rolling down their pale faces. Fifteen liters of gasoline has already been poured into the car. At the gas station - fifty tons of gasoline. And the man is standing with a lighter in his hand. The man laughs, puts away the lighter, gets into his car and drives off.
Years go by. Not so long ago, a man accidentally meets those characters in a sports club. They say hello, and then he asks why they didn’t find him then by the car number and didn’t show him anything. One of the characters says: “What can you show a person brandishing a lighter in front of a puddle of gasoline at a gas station !? You can kill him, but, firstly, no one will pay for it, and secondly, this is a completely meaningless activity."
How to learn to behave spontaneously?
A person in a normal state will not come up with such a model of behavior and will not implement it. This behavior is spontaneous, it requires a special state of reality and a special state of consciousness - a state of light trance. To enter a spontaneous state, to learn to behave spontaneously, you need to block thoughts. Mentally set yourself a rhythm - imagine a drum in your head - bom-bom, bom-bom, bom-bom!
In a state of spontaneity, you can say whatever you want! Act as you please! This means that a person in a state of spontaneous behavior is really capable of performing miracles.
• The exercise
The main way to enter a spontaneous state is as follows. Defocus your eyes. Mentally create a drum beat in your head - bom-bo-bob, bom-bo-bo-bom, bom-bo-bo-bom. Make a mental beat of the drums in your head. Imagine hammers that help - knock. You need to practice so that you can walk, move, talk, think in this state.
In many sports and wrestling - be it tennis, boxing, or whatever - hitting is built on automatism. On the mindset for automatism, when a person performs actions without thinking.
What is the difference between a driver and a person who just knows how to change gears? The driver shifts gears, releases the clutch, turns the steering wheel without hesitation. He looks at the road signs, at the lane markings, at the speedometer - and he drives the car.
A good driver does not look anywhere at all, but sees everything. That is, the deeper the trance, the better the driver.
And this applies to any business that you do. The deeper you go into a trance, the better you will do this business.
Neutral interest in communication
Charismatic people are characterized by authoritarian, condescending behavior - they talk to the interlocutor a little downwardly, while showing interest.
Remember if you met arrogant peers as a child, and how you treated them. You hated and despised some of them, but you were drawn to someone and were ready to serve them.
The latter, possessing charisma from childhood, were benevolent, condescending, authoritarian. They were sincerely interested in communication, but with whom exactly they communicate, it was not important for them. The interlocutor was considered by them as an easily replaceable part.
If a woman shows interest in communicating with any male, but at the same time, the male understands perfectly well that she is easily replaceable, then this male will perceive such a lady as a charismatic person.
There is an episode in the film "An Ordinary Miracle": the character, played by Yevgeny Leonov, enters and says: "Hello, I am the king!" This is charismatic behavior.
The king travels through his country and sees a plowman working in the field. The king says to him:
- Hello, farmer!
He answers him:
- Hello, Your Majesty!
- What are you doing here, tiller? Are you harrowing?
- No, Your Majesty, I am plowing the land.
- Well done, farmer, God grant you good luck and help!
And the king moves on. What is left in the memory of the farmer? That the king condescended to speak to him, and that he himself told the king how he plowed the land. The tiller will remember this, and will also tell his grandchildren about how the king communicated with him. This is charisma.
By the way, it is important to be able to speak with people correctly. Two basic postulates of communication for a charismatic person:
• Do not use long ornate phrases - you may not be understood. Keep all your phrases short - no more than five words in each sentence.
• Do not use unfamiliar words - "pluralism", "convergence", "consensus" and others. Both terms and comparisons should be simple and straightforward.