What leads to poor finances, relationship failures, and procrastination? Fear is the source of all troubles.
Every problem we face, from the smallest to the biggest, is rooted in fear.
Obviously, the main question is: how to defeat fear? Some people ask different questions: Why does fear lead to poor financial situation, failure in relationships and a habit of procrastination?
Let's look at both Why and How
First, why. Think about any of your problems, and then think about where it came from? And why can't you figure it out?
A few examples:
Procrastination. You may feel that you are not getting the job done. Or you are intimidated by the upcoming hard work (associated discomfort). Or maybe you are afraid of missing something important and therefore, instead of work, you constantly check your mail or VKontakte messages.
Debts. Debts can arise for various reasons. More often than not, you allow yourself to spend more than you can because of an obsessive habit of buying unnecessary things (shopaholism) or out of fear of losing some familiar amenities. Shopaholism can be triggered by anxiety (fear that what you want will not come true), loneliness (fear that you are not good enough), or desire for a better life (fear that something is wrong with your life). Obviously, it will be difficult for you to do without a beautiful house, an expensive car and breakfast in a restaurant if the slightest discomfort and opinions of other people frighten you.
Relationship problems can also be caused by very different reasons. It is even possible that your partner is to blame, but first of all, you should always take a closer look at yourself. Fears that most often lead to such problems: fear of losing control over your life (in order to prevent this, you will have to completely control the other person, which is impossible), fear that you are not good enough, fear of being rejected and other fears associated with with distrust, fear of letting another into your life (in fact, this is the fear of sharing his problems).
Inability to play sports. Here, again, there could be various reasons. Here are just a few of them: there is not enough time for exercise (fear of losing something that you are used to), difficulty in doing exercises (fear of discomfort), a lot of distracting things, such as the Internet or interesting TV programs (fear of getting rid of the usual lifestyle, discomfort).
Inability to follow a diet. The reasons are the same as in the previous case. Emotional issues can also be involved. Then fears can be very similar to those that lead to uncontrolled shopping (and, as a result, financial problems).
Inability to do your favorite activity. It is possible that you do not even know what you would like to do, because you have never really researched this issue. Or maybe you know, but you think you are not suitable for the job. Fear of failure prevents you from taking the plunge and starting to do what you would like.
Anxiety about work / school. You have a lot of worries, but the problem is not the number of them. The problem is that you strive to do everything perfectly - in the best possible way and on time, but you yourself are afraid that this will not work out. Thus, the cause of fear is the idealization of the real world. You cannot do everything perfectly and on time. No one can. Take it for granted that your abilities are limited. Nobody's perfect. Nothing is perfect. This is how our world works.
Etc. All other problems are different manifestations of what is described above.
Fear of going straight, being abandoned, doubts about your coolness, fear of responsibility, fear of loneliness, fear of leaving your comfort zone, fear of losing everything, fears that something is wrong with you and your life, fear of getting an imperfect result …
It all boils down to the same thing - the fear that you are not good enough and that something will not work out.
So what do you do about it?
How to live with fear
At first I titled the article “How to Conquer Fear,” but that title can be misleading. It may seem that fear is our enemy. Either we will defeat him, or he will defeat us.
But this is not the case. Fear is us. We are people living in a world of constant change, and this is scary. We are afraid that we will not survive in this chaos, that we will not succeed. If we fail one day, everyone will judge us and our life will go downhill.
Fear is an integral part of us, so we shouldn't try to “destroy” it. You cannot get rid of it once and for all. Having dispelled one particular fear at this particular moment, we are doomed to face the next in the near future. And so all our life.
So what can we do?
Be aware of. When we overcome difficulties, it is important to see at what point fear starts to get in our way. Realize that fear is the problem.
Embrace fear. Do not consider fear to be something bad, do not try to suppress it, do not dream of not having it at all. He is part of you. Part of your life. Accept this.
Realize the groundlessness of fear. Realize that you are, for the most part, blowing the elephant out of the air. Just let go of the fear and relieve yourself of imaginary suffering.
Think rationally. Take some time for your fears and take a good look at them. Imagine that your worst fears have already been confirmed. So what? In most cases, no one will shoot you, your life will not end there. Yes, it may not be as good as we would like, but this is not fatal. You can definitely survive this.
To enjoy life. Be grateful for what you have, for who you are. After all, this might not have happened either. Appreciate yourself and others, appreciate every moment. Instead of constantly whining about events, celebrate the opportunities they provide. For example, a great loss is an opportunity to draw the right conclusions, hard work is an opportunity to create and bring goodness to the world, and any change is always an excellent opportunity for development and growth.
Perceive your life correctly. Look at your life - it is great in itself. If we accept this fact, it becomes obvious that there is nothing more perfect to which one should strive. At the same time, fear will disappear. After all, if we have no idea of the ideal, then there will be no fear that something will go wrong. If we do not realize that we should always succeed, then we will not be afraid to fail. If you do not idealize people, then they will not be able to disappoint us.
This is the process of realizing and accepting the imperfection of our life. And you will go through it. And then another fear will arise. And you have to go through this process again.
This approach allows you to work with any fears that prevent you from living. You will be able to accept your worst nightmares without giving them a chance to stop you. This practice will ease your distress, so consider it as an act of self-compassion.
