Become independent first. It is very important. To be independent means to be able to independently satisfy all your needs, that is, to live without lack and without someone else's help.
The era of subsistence farming, when everyone did everything for himself - he baked bread and sewed boots - has long passed, division of labor and narrow specialization are everywhere. Professionally, each person now knows relatively little, and he buys the rest. If the salary is good, there is enough for everything. And there is still. This is a wonderful principle. He made it possible to achieve such comfort and abundance, which was unthinkable with a subsistence economy.
However, the division of labor turns into interdependence - people cannot do without each other. And that's not always good.
Example: a mismanaged man. He does not know how to cook at all. A kitchen is worse than a prison. The signature dish is scrambled eggs. Burnt with shells. He will not sew a hole in his clothes, he will go torn. And if he sews it up, then it is crooked, so he will throw it away anyway. After washing, the linen turns into a floor rag - nothing, he will buy a new one.
Such a man needs … who? That's right, mistress. Which he finds. And she, as a rule, twists ropes out of it. And if a man does not want to "curl", she does not feed him. In a day he is silk and will do what they ask. Will give all the money. Because the wife is a cashier. Will leave her daughter from her first marriage without help. Because you want to eat.
Another example: a housewife wife. Two children. The husband brings money. And he mocks her right in front of the children. And the wife suffers. He says to everyone that he loves, or for the sake of the children - they need a father. But in reality he is afraid that he will be left without money, even if the husband gives a penny. And he spends the rest on women and vodka. She won't work even that. Doesn't want to. Can not. And he doesn't want to learn. Complains about life. I feel sorry for her …
Last example: a man again. Normal. Industrious. And he will do everything around the house, and the character is flexible. Even too much. Good to everyone. Only his wife is a bitch, and he tolerates her. Because I hammered into my head that the other would not find. There will be one. Nobody wants to sleep with him. Moreover, to marry him …
Each of them has a weak side. Very weak. The first one is mismanaged, the second one does not earn money, the third one doesn’t know how to seduce women. But with all this, there is something good, useful, beneficial in each of them. The first - brings money and does whatever you want, just to feed. The second one does the housework and spreads like a rag. The third is also a hard worker, and even an economic one, and you can wipe your feet about him.
Do you feel the pattern? If at least in something you cannot do on your own, without the help of another, they begin to twist and twirl you as they please, humiliate, mock and wipe your feet about you. Because all the same, you will not go anywhere: you need to eat, you won't go to the store without money and you want sex.
And there will definitely be someone who will satisfy your need. Even if it is bad, through a stump a deck, but you yourself will not be able to. And for this he will require a fee. Which one? Anything. After all, he is the owner and monopolist, and you are a helpless victim, and you can do anything with you, you will endure everything.
Another addiction option. Imagine that you are in prison and you are beaten, or in the army, where hazing, or your husband spreads his hands. And you don't know how to fight: you are weak, sickly, or simply afraid to hit the bastard in the jaw. You cannot leave, because there is a grate on the window; the army is the same prison; there is nowhere to go from her husband. And they do what they want to you, and if you don’t want to, they beat you. This is your weak point. And - the source of addiction.
This is how people suffer and life is crippled. Because they suffer because they do not know how to do something.
* Fight: protect yourself and the one who is nearby; give three hooligans in the face or in the eye in the evening at the entrance.
* Set up everyday life: cook; wash; sew up; get out; make it comfortable.
* Make money: find a job; do business; cheat; assign in any way.
* Find a girlfriend, boyfriend, partner for the night, wife or husband when needed, at any time.
Everyone should know and be able to: both man and woman. This should be taught at school. And not geometry and Eugene Onegin, because this is life, independence, the basis of your strength and happiness.
If you know how to do any of this - good. If not, learn.
Sign up for the boxing section. You will be trained as a fighter. They will put punches, they will be knocked out a couple of times. You will get used to flying off the coils and hitting in the jaw. In six months, if you don't pull the rubber.
To be able to cook, go to a chef course. You will be taught which side to hold the saucepan. Then - courses on cutting and sewing. Buying a food processor and washing machine makes life easier. At worst, find someone who will do it for you - a cook, a laundress, a cleaning lady - but why marry them?
Now - money. If you know at least something - use it without delay. One woman, for example, bought an old knitting machine and in one evening learned to knit only one thing: the simplest leggings. She knew how to make only one style and only one size, but it worked well and the product was popular. At night she knitted, and during the day she stood in the market and traded. And she could have slowed down: “Oh, I don’t know how! Ah, others do better! Eh, everyone has pants!"
If you can’t do anything at all, learn. Crack, and learn yourself in a week or even in three days. Buy a diploma and work, because there is only one way to learn how to make money - by working.
To get acquainted and seduce, go to dance, shaping, swimming groups, where there are both men and women. Learn to look good - see a stylist. Refresh your wardrobe, learn to dye to be even more attractive. Correct the shape. Dozens of books have been written about how to get acquainted and what to say at the same time. Find, read and - act.
The main thing is to act. Don't sit around. And here's what happens: you can learn all of the above skills very quickly, if desired, in six months, without straining too much. But people spend years running around with their problems instead of learning what is needed. No, they would rather suffer and complain about bad parents, bad husband, bad fate.
Because - laziness. Too lazy to cook and clean. Too lazy to work and make money. Too lazy to look for a girlfriend. Too lazy to fight and defend yourself. The most commonplace laziness is often the main source of addiction. About many, very many, one can say: "Laziness was born before them." Such people will always suffer, because the flip side of laziness is addiction. This means dissatisfaction with life and oneself, spoiled mood and low self-esteem, loneliness and poverty. Do you need it?
There is another reason. An addicted person most often depends on someone for the rest of his life. First - from dad or mom, then - from husband or wife, further - from the boss, at the end of life - from the children or the nurse who feeds the broth and takes out the ship. And he always feels bad, this is a normal state for him. He is used to the fact that there is always someone above him, he always depends on someone, obeys someone and allows him to trample on his dignity. It has always been that way. So it is, and so it should be.
This, of course, is not a conscious conviction, but a sense of self, faith at the level of feelings, the basis of a worldview that is not questioned. Such a person is prone to maintaining dependence on his parents and falling into new addictions. He is like a slave - he will always find himself a new master. And the strong strive for independence and achieve it.
Think about this. How often do you ask others for something? The fact is that some people are constantly asking for something. For example, suggest what time it is, borrow a payphone card or an umbrella from a colleague to run to a cafe. And - regularly and many times. It seems that there is nothing wrong with this, and you do not bother anyone much with this …
But! Whoever asks is weak. The strong one does not ask. On the contrary, others ask him. When you do not have a watch, a mobile phone or an umbrella, you are looking for someone to help you, that is, you depend on others. A strong person is independent, self-sufficient, he has everything he needs.
Many have similar points of weakness. They get in the way, eat away at your sense of confidence, like sheicha in your ear: “You are weak. You can't do it yourself. " They force others to treat you as a supplicant who needs something from them, that is, as a weak one.
Weaknesses need to be addressed. A person, as a rule, has no more than a dozen of them, so do not pull. Just buy what you are missing. And don't ask. Nobody. Never. About nothing.