How do you get what you want? We all want something: money, sex, recognition, pleasure, to be reckoned with. And you can only get it from other people.
That is why people communicate - they all need something from each other. There are, however, philanthropists who consider the highest goal of their lives to serve others, help them disinterestedly and engage in other charity. But there are few of them. And you, I hope, are not one of them.
You, like any normal person, want to communicate with maximum efficiency, that is, to get what you want. Moreover, as quickly as possible and with the least expenditure of effort, money and other resources. So, in order to communicate successfully and effectively, you need to have four abilities.
First, give. Communication is almost always based on the principle of exchange: you - to me, I - to you. Therefore, you need to have something that can be offered in the interpersonal market. And there is a lot to offer. In terms of pleasure: it can be easy and pleasant to communicate with you, you know how to be the soul of the company, you are charming, beautiful, sexy, you know interesting clubs and restaurants. In terms of business: you are professional, organized, reliable, punctual. These are all examples. If you have something that people are interested in, you can give it to them. And get what you need in return.
You may have two problems: either you don’t have anything of value, or you don’t know how to give. If you don't have it, get it by any means. Learn, get an education, buy, borrow, eventually. Although it often happens that a person has something to offer to others, he simply does not see it, does not believe in himself. If you find it difficult to give, then you may be greedy. Then learn to give.
Second, take. After all, if you give something, then more often than not - for a reason. You are human, which means you have needs and you want a lot. And you can get what you want from other people.
Thirdly, you need to be able to manipulate. That is, play on emotions, intrigue, seduce. Cheat and deceive. Asking so that you cannot be denied. Many people think that this is all bad. They think that people should be honest and sincere with everyone at all times. But in fact, it turns out that nothing holds on to such people. They throw out the slightest irritation and discontent on those around them, who tend to stay away from them. And when it is necessary to defend their rights, they are shy and cannot do it.
Fourth, in order to successfully communicate on an external level, you must follow the standard and know the rituals of the people with whom you communicate. If you are carried away by a hippie party, it is better if you have long hair and ragged clothes. If you are applying for a job, then come in a suit and refrain from slang words. It is corny, but many people meet the wrong standards and perform the wrong rituals. And after that they are surprised that they were not hired, that they have few acquaintances and there is no one to borrow money from.
To achieve your goals and get what you want, it is helpful to develop and learn to use several behavioral skills at ease.
1. Understand other people's desires, aspirations and needs. Do not expect that the person will tell everything himself, but recognize them by observing the interlocutor, his behavior, gestures, facial expressions, intonation. It is good if you discover in a person such desires that he does not admit to himself. Knowing the desires and aspirations of a person, you can use him for your own purposes. Or just help fulfill them. He will definitely thank you for this.
2. Show the interlocutor his importance, that you respect him, admire him. Sincerely. For example, make a graceful compliment. You need to learn how to say appropriate compliments, support and encourage anyone: a man and a woman, a close friend and just an acquaintance, a boss and a subordinate.
3. Ask. Without this, you won't get anything at all. People simply won't have a reason to give you what you want. Moreover, you need to ask in such a way that it would be difficult for you to refuse.
4. Be persistent. Do not despair and retreat if you hear “no” in response to the first request. And after the second and third requests, do not back down. Build your resistance to rejection.
5. Have a grip. Sometimes you need not to ask, not to seek, and not to wait at all for consent and permission, but simply take what you want. This is not easy for someone who is afraid to seem bad to himself: to cause inconvenience to another, to act contrary to his conscience.
6. Demonstrate confidence. This is very important, because people always and everywhere prefer to deal with a confident person, and not with a whiner, a bummer or a victim.
7. Motivate and persuade. To get your way, you must force those on whom it depends to behave the way you want. Motivating a person means helping him want to behave in a way that suits you. This is done by HR managers and schemers. Persuasion is one way to motivate, but not the only one. It is much more effective to know and use other people's desires. If the person is confident that they are acting in their own interests, they will do whatever you want.
8. Pretend play. People are greeted by their clothes, judged by their first impression. They most often do not care about your experiences. Often your feelings only get in the way if they don't meet the expectations of those around you. And you yourself do not always want them to become known. Therefore, it is very useful to be able to adapt to the expectations of others: to do and say exactly what they want to see and hear.
9. Be flexible. If you don't succeed, find another way to do it, instead of stupidly repeating failed attempts. This way you will get your way faster. It's good if for every case, for every life task that you face, you know not one solution, but five or ten.
10. Be moderately indifferent. People around you have views. They want to force you to behave the way they need to, manage your time, your money, solve their problems with your help, most often minor ones. If you respond to all requests and help everyone, you will not have enough strength, time, or life. If you feel guilty about denying others their requests, you will wear down and exhaust yourself. Therefore, learn to say "no" and not pay attention to other people's requests when you don't feel like it.
