What qualities do you think are absolutely necessary in order to consider a man an ideal father? What does it say that a man is a good dad?
An ideal dad is patient, loving and sincerely interested in children's stories about what "he said, and she told him, and the teacher at this time kaaaak …!" Let's compare motherhood with fatherhood and name the main qualities of a good father.
What is motherhood, everyone probably knows very well. And surely each of you has such a collective image of a good mother. I don’t want to dwell on this now, experience shows that the majority of women (and men!) Have the same ideas about motherhood.
It's harder with fatherhood.
After several discussions in real life, I was amazed to find out for myself that the idea of fatherhood (the role of the father in the family and in raising children) sometimes differs diametrically, from “dad is the second mother” to “the main role of the father is outside the family, the extraction of a mammoth and family and children are a purely feminine task. " The truth is probably somewhere in between, but where exactly?
I am very lucky - I have the best dad in the world. I love him very much, and I consider him an ideal (and not only me, by the way:)). A small minus: in comparison with him, all my acquaintances men … lose. More than once my girlfriends and co-workers at work told me: oh, it will be difficult for you to find another one like that, they don't let them out nowadays. And having in mind exactly his paternal qualities (as a spouse for my mother - he is far from ideal, alas). Well, on the one hand it is, of course, sad. On the other hand, I would never refuse to have the most ideal dad in the world just because everyone else will look less perfect against his background. Sorry for the little boastful introduction.
So, what qualities do you think are absolutely necessary in order to consider a man an ideal father?
It would be unfair to ask you to share your ideas about the ideal qualities of a father, while keeping silent about your own.
What personally says to me that a man is a good dad?
1. Love. All other qualities are not important if this first and most important thing is missing - the ability to love. Many words have already been said about the unconditionality of maternal love and the conditionality of paternal love, but it seems to me that this is a wrong idea. Can a man be a good father who doesn't love his child? I think no. Can a man who loves his child be a bad father? Yes, as much as necessary. Therefore, from my point of view, love is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for good fatherhood. (Personally, I always felt that my dad loved me - even when he was unhappy with me, and this was more often than I would like, but what can I do now).
2. Kindness. Can a spiteful, tough, constantly aggressive person be a good father? In theory, maybe yes. Practically - I have never seen such a thing. If aggression is constantly shown towards other people, there is a very small chance that it will never be turned on others. Although, of course, there is such a possibility, I admit it. (My dad, despite his generally difficult character, which, however, became much softer with age, always seemed to me the kindest in the world. He has no aggression, no anger. He is quick-tempered, but very quickly comes to his senses, and he has enough brains to reflect his outburst of anger).
3. Ability to be a reliable support for the wife and children. (I was so used to seeing this quality in my dad that it became a real unpleasant revelation for me that many men not only do not know how to be a support in the family themselves, but also require props for themselves from their loved ones. And at the same time they consider themselves to be good fathers).
4. Ability to be patient, the ability to easily regain a feeling of inner unbalance (self-control). Many people think that this is not a masculine quality, but it seems to me that it is absolutely necessary with children, even for men, and even more so for men. (How many times has my dad explained to me some theorem that I didn’t reach? fourth round? Do not count).
5. Active involvement. Unfortunately, quite often fathers give over to mothers all matters related to children, and love them, as it were, at a distance, remotely. Can a remote dad be a good father? The one who is not particularly interested in children and their affairs and problems? Or a purely formal interest? I doubt. (My dad is interested in everything about my brother and me, absolutely everything! I remember how he listened to my stories about what "he said, and she told him, and the teacher at this time kaaaak …!" Or my impressions of what I read. Or something else I never had the feeling that he was bored, had no time, not interested, stop chatting and let me see the news at last. Surprising. Or one more thing: he never shifted what he said about my brother and me to my mother. on the contrary - I constantly suggested myself - let me take a walk with them / read them a book / check the lessons / go to a meeting. I even thought for a while that all dads are like that …)
6. Responsibility for the family. This is what many men break down on, who have not become adults themselves: they cannot bear responsibility for their wife and child, merge, run away, try in every possible way to push the responsibility for their family and the problems that arise in it onto someone else (wife, children, mother-in-law with father-in-law, own parents, employer, government, aliens, etc.). (I don't even know what example to give from my life. I just always knew that our dad was in charge. And that you can turn to him with any problem, and he will solve it, and not look for someone to blame or someone who will solve the problem instead of him).
7. Ability to be strong and the ability to admit your weakness. How often the image of hypertrophied masculinity, cherished by society, gets in the way of fatherhood! In general, the ability to recognize your own imperfection is a very useful option for any person, without dividing into men and women. But for fatherhood, this quality, it seems to me, is especially important. (My dad had a hard time admitting his mistakes, as far as I remember. With age, it became easier for him to say - well, I was wrong here, of course, I had to do this and that. Well, to be strong - he always succeeded on the five).
So, the qualities that seem to me the most important are love, responsibility, own maturity, involvement. That is, from my point of view, if these qualities are absent in a man, he cannot be a good father. The rest of the qualities I have listed are optional.
PS All the same qualities, to the last letter, turn out to be perfectly applicable to the definition of "a good mother." Which will bring me to the fresh idea that gender equality in raising offspring is a wonderful thing