We have gotten too used to stereotypes, we try to be impeccable, set goals incorrectly, do not focus on success and forget about strengths. Great rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships.
Development Tools is 54 rules from Alan Fox, an entrepreneur who founded a company that owns more than 70 businesses in 11 US states. Development Tools is somewhat similar to the bestseller 45 Manager Tattoos. Both of these books are based on the personal set of rules of successful people. Today we have selected 5 of 54 instruments for you. Very interesting!
1. Drop stereotypes
As a child, I firmly learned many ideas about how adults should live. This was the set of these rules, as if carved in granite. There were, for example, the following rules: a) A man and a woman should marry in their early twenties and spend every night together for the rest of their lives. b) When people are praised, they lose all incentive to try. c) If you are too smart, you will be disliked.
How did I learn these rules? From their relatives, at school from teachers and other children. These are the cultural stereotypes of my childhood. When I grew up, it turned out that these 10 rules did not suit me and I no longer believe in them. Here's what happened in my life:
a) I first got married at twenty-one. Now I have been enjoying my third marriage for more than thirty years; I admit that sometimes I am happy to go alone on business trips with an overnight stay, when, if you wish, you can watch TV until late. b) Praise motivates, criticism dampens. c) Once people disliked me not for my mind, but for my unpleasant behavior and sarcasm.
Whatever your beliefs, do what common sense tells you at the moment. Throw away the "truths" that might have been helpful yesterday or might be helpful tomorrow. After all, you can always change your mind.
2. Focus on Success: The Self-fulfilling Prophecy Effect
Many years ago I went to a psychic: I was worried about three important transactions. The psychic said that all three deals would fall through. Let me emphasize: this was her prophecy, not mine. I reacted to it by deciding that I would be even more careful and pay more attention to each trade. My prophecy, which turned out to be self-fulfilling, was this: all three deals will be successful. And so it happened.
I understand that hardly any of us wants to be wrong and that it is easier to fail than to succeed. So predicting failure will probably be right more often than predicting success. However, I believe the real question is: Which of these prophecies will help you achieve greater success? This is the purpose of personal development tools. And I want to be right every time as much as you do. I know I often predict failure or uncertainty for myself. But my predictions of success also often come true.
If the prophecies usually turn out to be self-fulfilling, I prefer to give them optimism. I would rather be successful than predict my failure correctly.
3. Zoom in on the target
Any goal in life is a target. I want this job; I want an invitation to this party; I want to win this game. Often, when a goal is especially important, it seems to shrink into a tiny dot in front of your eyes. You can take a difficult approach to the art of target shooting. The tricky approach is to train, train, train again, while risking more and more in an ever-more challenging environment.
But there is another kind of target shooting practice that bears great rewards - target enlargement. How do you increase your target? Just expand on the wording.
Instead of this plan: “Next birthday I'll fly to Las Vegas with Bill, Terry and Lisa, order a Pina Colada and win five thousand dollars at blackjack”, why not say: “Next birthday I'll have some fun at glory!”?
There is a saying that is sometimes attributed to John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans."
4. Use the 80% Solution Rule
Harvey and I have been in the real estate industry for over forty years. Some time after we met, a friend told me that he knew another excellent realtor and asked if he interested me as a potential replacement for Harvey.
I always strive to improve my business and my life, and therefore I seriously considered this issue. I mentally made a list of Harvey's strengths and weaknesses and compared that list to my idea of the ideal. Harvey matched him somewhere in 87%. Not ideal (and who is ideal?), But close enough. After thinking for a few days, I called a friend and told him that Harvey was fine with me and I didn't want to look for a replacement.
The common thread in my reasoning that led to this conclusion was the following thought: if a person is 80% consistent with my ideal, then I will maintain my current relationship with him and will not spend a second thinking about replacing him. Then I added this thought: if his "score" is from 60% to 79%, I can start looking. Below 60% - this person needs to be removed from my life as soon as possible.
I hope that the benefits of this approach are clear to you, because in life there is always a question of choosing between alternatives. Is your husband (or your wife) ideal? If you have lived together for more than a few days, no. You shouldn't ask such a question. However, it is helpful to ask yourself if he is good enough. If the answer is yes, then emphasize the positives and play down the less important negative aspects of the person.
5. Throw off the shackles of perfection
I was once an imperfect perfectionist. After a few years running my law firm, I found myself hopelessly stuck in perfectionism. Perfection came at a cost. I paid the secretary a lot to retype the letters until there were visible changes. My performance was imperfect because it took a long time to perfect. I have always been dissatisfied with the quality of work - both mine and all other employees. Because of this, the work brought us little joy. I hesitated. Having received a new assignment - for example, the first time a will had to be certified - I was afraid that I would not cope with it perfectly.
By the time I was thirty, I finally recognized what was probably absolutely clear to everyone around me: although my goal was the ideal, I almost always fell short of it. I was a loser perfectionist. Oh no no no!
Now I don't strive for perfectionism. I am not at all against perfection, especially when I fly in an airplane at an altitude of 11 thousand meters. But I know that there is more joy and results in my life when I use this tool and throw off the shackles of perfection.
