I was shy with girls, found it difficult to make friends, did not try to somehow prove myself at work. I didn’t take the slightest step outside my comfort zone to achieve anything. How to believe in yourself?
For a long time, the lack of faith in myself was the main credo of my life.
I didn’t build a career, I didn’t try to organize a profitable business, because I was sure that nothing would come of me. I didn’t form the right habits because I always thought I wasn’t disciplined enough to do it. I was shy with girls, hardly made friends, did not try to somehow prove myself in a team. I didn't take the slightest step outside my comfort zone.
And all this because I was really sure that I could not do anything.
I cannot say that today I have completely got rid of self-doubt, but one thing is absolutely certain - now I believe in myself as never before. Of course, this does not mean that everything will always work out for me. That is unlikely.
But it normal.
The trick is to recognize and accept this norm. It’s perfectly okay to do something that’s uncommon and fail. It's perfectly okay to say hello to someone and not get mutual sympathy in return. It's okay to do something and get criticism and judgment in return.
Your failures, imperfection, mistakes, people who disagree with you, mistrust of you - all this is more good than bad.
How can failure be good? This is the only way to truly learn. For example, you can read an entire book on mathematics, but until you try to solve the problem yourself, until you make a bunch of mistakes, you will never understand exactly which point in the book you did not understand. The best way to learn something is to complete a practical task, to sort out your mistakes.
Why are mistakes needed? Errors are feedback elements needed to learn and grow.
Why isn't being rejected always bad? This means that you have grown out of rigid socially acceptable boundaries. The best characters in history have been rejected by society: truth-tellers such as Socrates, Jesus, Gandhi, Proudhon and Bakunin, Martin Luther King, animal rights mastermind Peter Singer, unschooling pioneer John Holt, women's rights activists, abolitionists and many others.
By doing the right thing, we are afraid to cause disapproval and misunderstanding of others. Although in fact, as history has shown, this is the desired result. Just take your failures for granted, don't be afraid.
It takes practice to get better. But we must start by eradicating what is holding us back.
So what should you practice to build your confidence?
improve in ways to overcome discomfort;
try to feel comfortable in situations where you are not sure that your act will be favorably perceived by others;
get used to letting go of your own thoughts that hold you back;
learn to trust yourself;
boldly go towards the unknown, try not to worry about this;
after failing many times, realize that this is quite normal. You are still alive, well, and even learned a thing or two;
do various experiments to make sure that you are much stronger and more tolerant of discomfort than you thought.
These steps will help you find yourself and lead to the realization that you have always been great.