Each of us has aspirations and desires. We want to achieve something, to change something. But what exactly do we want? Why do we want this? A new approach to life, goals and plans.
Today they write and talk a lot about finding their own business, their way of life, about how to realize their abilities, do what you love. People are looking for techniques and tools to achieve this: time management, motivation, teachers and coaches, and more. Today I want to talk to you about the same thing, but look at the problem from a different angle.
I like metaphors, I like to visualize. As a child, I dreamed a lot. Dreams were my escape from reality, where I was taught from the first day that I was a tank, although I was born with a completely different means of transportation.
No, no, don't be alarmed, I'm healthy. And I'm already starting to explain.
It's just that at 38 years old, I constantly feel the presence of a little boy in me, and it is I-child who is now telling this story about a boy who loved to play with cars, and I-an adult writes down his words and writes an article.
Each of us has aspirations and desires. We want to achieve something, to change something. But what exactly do we want? Why do we want this?
The source of our desires is our values. They can be congenital or acquired (raised by parents, society). If you are one of those people who are looking for their own business, want to live their own life, who knows themselves, you probably already asked yourself the question: "What does it mean to own, to own, to yourself?"
Imagine that there are no people in this world, only cars. You too are a car. Let's say a gasoline-powered racing sports car. Have you presented?
Now imagine that from a young age you hear from mom and dad and others that you are a completely different car. For example, a diesel jeep. You love and trust your parents. Believing that you are a jeep, growing up, you start looking for your work in your life. Where should the jeep look for itself? Most likely, somewhere in the desert, in the mountains, off-road.
And now, without doubting your "jeep" nature, you - a gasoline sports car - find yourself in the desert. Have you presented? You feel uncomfortable, you absolutely do not like plowing the sands and you want to, although you do not understand why. They say to you: “Raise your motivation! Pull yourself together, you can! " You try your best, but your motivation is still bad.
You do not see yourself from the outside. You feel like a jeep that does not want, and often cannot go anywhere. Time goes by, "life's work" is not found, self-esteem falls lower and lower. "I am not capable of anything …" - you begin to think.
But let's get back to the question, what does “do for myself” mean? For whom - for a jeep or a racing car?
Many people have been stuck in the desert for years trying to adapt to an environment for which they were not designed. They spend their lives on new jeep parts (new universities and trainings, "necessary" acquaintances, unnecessary acquisitions), but all this gives only a temporary illusion of satisfaction.
They strive to meet the expectations of other people who expect the action and results of a jeep from a sports car. I was that kind of person. Let me tell you …
I was born a Mercedes. This is where my life ends. And the life of the tank begins. From childhood, I was told that my goal is to take over the world, using any possibilities of the tank for this. Need to shoot? Please. Crush? As easy as pie!
A heavy and powerful tank flattened and shredded everyone who stood in its way - both strangers and close relatives. The tank neglected their desires, feelings, because for the sake of achieving the goal of the tank, any hindrances are not hindrances. Forward!
So the tank lived up to 30 years. Until it began to fall apart. He was lucky: he got into the garage, where the mechanics were suddenly sincerely surprised - why does the Mercedes want to buy new tracks? The confusion experienced then led him on a long journey of personal transformation.
Today I understand who I am. I am a Mercedes. Compact yet powerful enough to tackle the tricky parts of life and help other people get to their destination. The rest of the time - the trip with him is calm and comfortable. When you open the window, you hear only the soft rustle of tires and birdsong. Peace, tranquility, beauty. This is my Mercedes, and it still has a lot of energy, ability and desire to help others.
A person cannot see what kind of car he is, because he looks at himself "from the inside", as if he is in the cabin. Maybe he even sees the "turbo" button on the control panel and other attributes of a racing car, but it was explained to him a long time ago that there is no point in pressing this button.
Remember the story about the elephant and the rope: a little elephant is taught to be humble by chaining a thick chain to its leg. The baby elephant tries to free itself and run away, but the chain is strong, and the jerks only hurt him. Over time, he gets used to the idea that it is impossible to break the bonds. From now on, it can be tied with a regular rope to a wooden peg. The elephant will do nothing to free itself.
Therefore, I believe that each of us needs a look from the outside, the help of an "external observer" who will tell a person how he looks and help him understand what kind of car he really is.
This understanding can be achieved in different ways. From my personal experience, I can say that my changes began with the study of Buddhism and yoga, psychology training added a lot, and the main breakthrough came thanks to coaching.
It was my way, the way of the Mercedes. You may be a different vehicle. And then you go to another garage. Good luck!
You ask - what to do with it?
Listen to yourself.
Pain lives in each of us. Internal, deeply hidden, it sits inside for years. But sometimes, due to various situations, it comes out, giving us the opportunity to change something in ourselves, opening up new perspectives for us. In moments when we are in pain, we have two choices: accept this pain, be with it and make changes, or refuse it, not accept it, blame others for its origin and “close” again until the next similar situation.
Let's remember that you consider yourself a jeep. You move accordingly, not paying attention to pits and bumps. At certain moments in your life, you will hear "boom-bang" and feel that there is a dent (pain caused by the inadequacy of external conditions to your inner content). This is the moment when it is important to stop and analyze the situation. Many people begin to blame the roads, the government, the boss who sent them along this road, and other people in such situations, but what do they get from this? Nothing. On the next bump, the Jeep will get a new dent. To prevent this from happening over and over again (does it happen that you repeat the same mistakes?), An analysis of the "traffic accident" is needed. Why did this happen? Can such a bump be a hindrance for a jeep? It seems not, but what happens then? The analysis allows you to see new information, which over and over again brings you closer to understanding what kind of car you are.
What does analysis mean? I will give examples from personal experience that have helped and help me in realizing and understanding who I really am, what my true life values are.
1. Description (pen, sheet and silence) of the situation that caused the pain. I write a lot in notebooks, and I also summarize important events in the Diaro application every day.
2. Helping other people with similar problems and pains (I have a blog through which people write to me a lot with requests for help).
3. Reflections in silence (long time).
4. Psychologist (it helps me a lot to get to the true reasons that create undesirable situations).
5. Various privacy options. This could be vipassana, for example. Once or twice a year I go abroad alone, where all I do is wander the streets and write down my thoughts in a notebook. And nothing more. Helps a lot.
6. Meditation with concentration on the point of pain.
7. Seminars and meetings, but not theoretical, but where work is done with people.
8. Share the problem with your husband or wife, friends, in order to hear an opinion "from the outside."
9. Using special techniques. Directional visualization, rebringing, writing practices
When a person suddenly discovers his real values for himself ("I'm a racing car !!!"), he wants to immediately start living it to the fullest ("Full throttle! Let's go!"). But after so many years of operation in abnormal conditions, a racing car must undergo appropriate training (pour another oil into the engine, change the fuel, eliminate the consequences of improper operation). Some, after such discoveries, instantly quit their jobs, may leave their families, or lose friends. At these moments, it is important to remember that any extreme is destructive, therefore, here, more than ever, balance and awareness are needed.
It will take time for him to become a full-fledged racing car again. But when he is on the fast lane, nothing can stop him. He will not have to raise motivation, everything will happen without effort, by itself.
Man just became himself. This is his business, his happiness, his life!