There are people who create problems, anger others and make any situation stressful. How to deal with "poisonous" people and negotiate with office tyrants?
You are probably familiar with this type of people. This is the colleague who, it seems, is not only himself shrouded in a cloud of negative aura, but also covers everything around him. Such people are satisfied when they create problems and anger others. They make any situation stressful. Let's call them toxic people. And from them, as well as from office tyrants who spit on any rules, it's hard to hide.
Not so long ago, experts from the Linkedin Influencers community discussed burning topics: how to deal with "poisonous" people and negotiate with office tyrants. Here's what two experts have to say about this.
How to neutralize poisonous
“Toxic people” provoke conflict and worse, stress,”writes Travis Bradburry, writer and president of TalentSmart, in his column“How Successful People Deal With “Toxic People”. - Stress is a colossal threat to your success. When stress gets out of hand, both your brain and your ability to work productively suffer.”
A study by Bradburry showed that “90% of the best workers have the ability to manage their emotions in stressful situations by staying calm and in control. They have perhaps the most important gift - the ability to neutralize "toxic people".
“The best workers have elaborate strategies that allow them to keep toxic people at a distance,” he writes.
Bradburry lists 12 of the most effective techniques these workers use when dealing with challenging people. Here is some of them:
Set a framework (especially for those who like to complain). “People are often embarrassed to listen to those who complain, because they don't want to sound indifferent or rude, but there is a fine line between listening compassionately to the complainant or letting them suck you into their negative emotional funnel,” Bradberry wrote. - You can only avoid this by establishing a certain framework for communication or distance yourself from such people when necessary. A great way to set a framework is to ask the complainant how they are going to solve their problem. He will either shut up or direct the conversation in a more productive direction."
Be above that. Toxic people piss you off with their irrational behavior. Don't be fooled; their behavior really cannot be explained in terms of common sense. The question arises, why do we allow ourselves to emotionally react to their behavior and allow ourselves to be pulled into this maelstrom? - wrote Bradburry. "The more irrational a person is and the more unreasonable his behavior, the easier it will be for you to avoid the traps he has set. … Distance yourself from such people emotionally and react to them as if they are the object of scientific research for you."
Keep your emotions in check. “Maintaining emotional distance requires awareness. You allow people to piss you off if you don’t realize at what point it’s happening. Periodically, you will find yourself in a situation where you need to regroup and choose the best direction of travel, writes Bradburry.“Sometimes the best course of action is to smile and nod, and in the meantime pause and plan your next steps.”
Concentrate not on problems, but on solving them. “Your emotional state depends on where you focus your attention. When you focus on the problems you face, you create and prolong your negative emotions and stress. When it comes to toxic people, your focus on how crazy they are and how difficult it is to deal with them gives them power over you,”wrote Bradburry. - Instead, focus your attention on ways that will enable you to deal with them. This will give you the opportunity to act more effectively, because you will be in control."
How to neutralize a tyrant
Where do tyrants get their strength? You yourself give them weapons when you react to their aggressive tactics, in fact, succumbing to them, and with this behavior you admit defeat, writes Victoria Pynchon, negotiating consultant at She Negotiates Consulting and Training, in the article “How to negotiations with a tyrant."
“[Tyrants] blame, threaten, annoy, bother, shame, raise their voices, shake their fists and sometimes even physically push,” Pynchon wrote. - As long as your psyche and your physical condition are well protected, try to understand that this is the tactic used on the playground. And you act as an observer."
“Your most reliable defense against a tyrant in the workplace will be to identify and confront his tactics without raising the stakes in the game or letting conflict escalate,” she wrote. "Keep a cool head, respond to their cocky tactics in a calm tone and demand rational answers to your questions."
How exactly can you do this? Cool down first. “If the conversation starts to get out of hand, use one of the phrases below as soon as possible in an even, calm tone,” advises Pynchon. - The most powerful phrases are: "let's come back to this when you are in a calm mood" or "I would like to end this discussion right now, but if you want to continue later in a more polite tone, I will be happy to return to this topic." …
“Be prepared to fight back rude behavior if required, but don't go overboard, chop off the shoulder, or run away from problems,” she recommends. - Instead, be prepared to continue the conversation (or negotiations) if required. Don't let yourself be ruled. You are your own master."
