Well, losers, loafers and lazy people, alcoholics and parasites, brothers in misfortune, have they waited? What to do after separation or divorce for a man? How to survive in such a situation?
Well, losers, loafers and lazy people, alcoholics and parasites, brothers in misfortune, have they waited?
Some of you messed up once and on a large scale, someone often screwed up and on trifles, loved football too much or did not pay enough attention, earned little or drank a lot, smoked the wrong cigarettes or just smoked, cheated, grew a belly on the couch or spent too much time in the gym, expressed dissatisfaction with the absence of his wife at night, or vice versa, the presence of strangers in the bedroom, intermediate options are possible.
The reasons are not important, we just state the fact - the divorce took place, and we need to somehow move on. I'm not going to speculate on how to prevent divorce from happening. I will just share my thoughts on how to accept and survive this not the best period.
The past is in the past
It is sad, insulting and sad, but the facts must be taken as they are. You, yes, it is you, man - a dead horse. You have been leaked. Do you know why dead horses are not fed and watered, their fur is not combed smoothly and the ribbons are not woven into their ponytails, so that they can then go on a visit? That's right, it doesn't make any sense. You are as dead as Cinderella. By the way, if they just stopped feeding you, think about it, even if it doesn't smell like divorce yet. There is good news, too. Your ex is now the same dead horse for you. Died - get off. And don't try to revive her if you are not a horse God. If you are, by any chance, a horse God, read no further. You have plenty of other things to do.
Quarantine
Regardless of who initiated the divorce, your self-esteem will quickly crash to the ground. Whether you dumped you, or you dumped it - in any case, you feel responsible. Even if you were betrayed, you still devalue yourself - you did not see who you contacted at the beginning of the relationship. Want to bury your self-esteem deeper - no problem. Be curious about what's going on in your ex's life. I'll tell you how it happens. You sit in social networks on the page of your ex and quickly-quickly press the f5 key, waiting for a post to appear, or a message that will fill your soul with deep, pure joy. The message should look something like this: “And now that I have lost this wonderful, talented person, I finally understand how dear and necessary he was to me. What to do to rewind time … ". It should look like this. In reality, you will see, for example: “Here it is, happiness! God, why didn't this happen a few years ago? " and a few photos: the former feeds pigeons in the Fonteblo forest, lights up in a nightclub with black people from Côte d'Ivoire, points the way to the lost Jude Law. Or, for example, you will see a couple of posts about yourself, your beloved, from which you will turn into an old, sick animal. There will not be a word of truth in these posts, because these posts are written with a different purpose - to hurt you, very painful. And, if you have the carelessness to read them - you will be very painful, I guarantee.
But we are not masochists. Therefore, everything that can cause pain is in the firebox. Place a block on pages on the Internet, visiting which will lead you to a heart attack. Phone, SMS - blacklisted. Accidentally saw a familiar avatar - close the window, the page address to the prohibited ones. That's the only way, friends. Take care of yourself.
Friend
A true friend who will listen and understand. A patient, devoted friend. Because you can only look weak and confused in front of him. More in front of anyone and under no circumstances. If you want to talk about your problems at work - listen, a bell rang in the world of idiots. A couple of months later, moving by train between Ryazan and Lukhovitsy, from the overheard conversation you will learn about the size of your penis. Without asking. Simply because there will be no other topic of conversation. If you are not at all friendly with your head, dump the details in the public domain, unfamiliar people will definitely sympathize. Plus - everyone will be on your side. It doesn't matter that it is not a person who will be discussed, but a flat image drawn by an embittered, and maybe even desperate person - the crowd loves revelations. Minus - sometimes you regret what you have done all your life.
But, we are still about real friends. The main quality of a true friend in a present situation is the mechanical repetition of the last phrase of your meaningless speech. This is pure idiocy, but it is necessary:
- But I loved her so much!
- Loved, that's for sure.
- And she just betrayed my feelings!
- I betrayed what it is.
- I have never cheated on her! (perhaps with latent regret).
- Yes, I know, you are a devotee (I mean - a moron)
- And she! Two nights! It is not known where!
- Maybe a friend?
- Seryozha, are you my friend at all?
- Of course I could have called.
- And then rinses my name (further obscene).
- Well, that's mean.
- And hundreds of strangers to me equate me with dirt, I deserve it? Honestly?
- Of course not.
- Here I am about the same. Could I forgive? Couldn't get a divorce?
- Of course, this is impossible to forgive. Loch would forgive, dooming himself to humiliation (here I understand why Seryozha is a friend, because there is a spark in him), you will not forgive, of course. This is not the first time, is it?
- Not the first, but now I will not forgive. Because that's enough.
Here are some dialogues. By conducting such dialogues with yourself, you will go crazy. And only a friend can endure your suffering. Because - a friend. Real. And keep in mind, real friends can feel bad too. And if you whine constantly, you risk losing a friend. But, friends are not always there.
Self-digging
And here we are drowning, men, if we let ourselves dig. Because there was an agreement to "love", and there was also an agreement to "take care", "pay a lot of attention", and also "respect" and "treat as equal." Marriage is a social contract, first of all. The terms of this agreement apply to both parties. The obligation to love, respect, trust, and care is imperative on both sides. If you are sure that you did not fulfill a single point, or vice versa - you did everything and did not receive anything in return - then you are a real, patented bastard and you are not in danger of self-digging. But if you have already begun to delve into yourself, stop immediately. Then, after a year or two, when you calm down, calmly understand yourself. For digging will inevitably cause a powerful feeling of guilt (well, yes, she just did not come home from the nightclub, and then an energetic African who did not want to communicate with you and give his address called her phone for a month, but I really want to see this monkey and racism has nothing to do with it, purely hostile relationships - everything is clear, you did not pay due attention and respect). Therefore, once again - no self-digging. Supplant by work, movies, music, sports, meeting friends, going for walks, writing such opuses, finally.
Alcohol
Forget it. Looking for consolation in a bottle is giving up on yourself. If you don't love yourself, don't expect someone to love a swollen alcoholic. More precisely, he may love, but you are unlikely to want to reciprocate. You can grunt with friends, you can decorate the evening with a glass of a fragrant drink, but in general there should be no place for alcohol in life. Take a piece of paper and write down the rules:
1. Do not use alone.
2. Do not use at home.
3. Do not use for two days in a row.
If it doesn’t work out, just give it up. Do not quit - I sympathize, but this is your life. If you want to drain it mediocre - please.
And remember, men. Karma gives everyone a chance. Those who have deceived will never be able to deceive again. The deceived will meet the ideal, faithful and faithful. But, if you're wallowing in vomit, forget it. You are not participating in the game. Generally.
Mood swings
You have just been in bliss, feeling yourself the master of your life, strong, self-confident, and most importantly, happy and self-sufficient. In an hour, you are a complete insignificance, with a mediocre, profane life, without a future, doomed to dreary loneliness. I don’t know how to deal with it. Who knows - write.
UPD. I quote:
“About the item“mood change”- a typical state of manic-depressive psychosis is described. And - this is normal for post-trauma. The fact is that any grief (loss of a loved one, irreparable loss - as a result of natural “leaving” or divorce, moving to a new permanent residence, cutting off all previous social ties), according to psychologists, takes place in five stages: denial, aggression, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. When what happened is perceived with slight sadness, it will probably never be possible to completely get rid of the negative, but it is already possible to live with it and even feel happy again, enter into a relationship, etc.
In addition, it is possible that you will find yourself in a circle of “repetitions” - after suffering depression and acceptance, you again suddenly begin to deny the significance of the loss, the pain from it. Then again, accusations and arguments on the topic “what if I had endured, did not initiate the divorce?” And it seems that everything would be very good (stage - “bargaining”). At this “step” it is important to trust yourself - if you once acted in a certain way, then this was the only possible option. And that's all. No reflections. Repeat this to yourself over and over.
The repetition of states should not be scary, the more traumatic the situation was, the more time it takes for the brain to form new neural connections. And the old ones should be burned out, including depression."
Decency
The relationship is over. And perhaps you hate the person for whom you were going to live your life. Or, on the contrary, they hate you - for unfulfilled hopes, or for their own betrayal, this also happens. You can be betrayed, slandered, insulted, exposed as a scumbag or a deceiver, and they can screw up your life on a small or large scale.
Be patient. Be men. Yes, there is always the opportunity to hurt another. Realize what you can do, but don't do mean things. You can throw strangers out of your life, but you will have to live with yourself, I hope - for a long time.
Different people, different attitudes towards marriage, different understanding of freedom, different understanding of responsibilities. It's nobody's fault. Some people should not be together, and then no one will be hurt.
And don't forget, please, life is finite. Used once, without the right to retake. Therefore, behave yourself with dignity.
Be happy.
