Girls imitate orgasm, lie, feel used, dissatisfied and unhappy. Just because they are afraid of us. We are bigger. We are stronger. We are more aggressive. And they taught us to be afraid.
Petty sexual abuse is much more common in everyday life than we think. Refusal of contraception, endless persuasion and manipulation, squeezing and pinching - it is not at all necessary to show brute physical strength to make a partner unhappy. Therapist imja is about borderline violence and how not to cross this fine line.
Violence is different. And men often don't understand this difference.
This does not mean that they are all rapists and sadists.
There are a lot of problems in this area. One of them is that men and women are different anatomically, and we are also brought up differently.
This post is not a statement that all men are ugly and all women are beautiful. That women never rape men, do not take advantage of men's weaknesses, and so on. I have been asked to talk about borderline violence, and I am talking about them.
One of the things my father was terribly afraid of was that I would be raped. He spoke about this many times.
But men, imagining violence - including my father - usually talk about the fact that someone will come, grab a woman by the hair, throw her on the nearest horizontal surface, and roughly shove his penis into her.
And it's scary. Honestly - scary. But daily petty sexual assault is also unpleasant. And most importantly, it is more difficult to identify it and even more difficult to understand that this is violence and to separate "you are dressing up" from "I may feel bad because of this."
The post is written for men who would prefer to get into a stupid situation and lose - dearly - sex, disappointing a lady with their indecision, rather than harm another person. I believe that there are such people.
1. Easier to give than to explain why not
Persistence is considered a good masculine trait. No fools. Some nerd decided that persistence and persuasion was really good policy.
And he was right.
This is a great policy. When you repeat to your girlfriend “Mash, let's have sex” all evening, or for a month you repeat to her every day “I love anal sex so much! Well, let's get some anal sex. Oh, what a sexy ass you have”, stroke her on this part of the body, many girls really find it easier to give than to explain why not. But she will not want it, and she will imitate pleasure. And the further you do this, the closer you are to the fact that she will lead someone else or stop having sex.
She won't call it violence. But this is a violation of boundaries, which causes disgust and resistance.
There is so-called institutional violence: the wife knows that she should sleep with her husband and does not consider it rape when he tells her "well, let's go." And it goes. Although he doesn't want to. But this is violence - even if the man appears here as an object, rather than as a subject. The children who watched him will not confuse him with anything - they see the expression on the mother's face.
The girl may well rape herself with you against your will. And - yes - you can go crazy if you think about it a lot. Therefore, do not persuade for five hours. If she is crazy and believes that a man should be turned down to the last, otherwise she sold her honor too cheaply - well, ok, why do you need one? Find yourself a normal one that knows how to use an evolutionary invention - a mouth, in order to give the signal "I want it."
2."And Lucy liked it …"
This is another great thing. Women love to be compared to other women. Lucy liked to have sex for 4 hours in the same position, which means that Masha will also like it. Lucy liked it when she was coated with cream, and Masha will also like it.
And over and over again the man does not ask what Masha likes, but does what once delighted Lucy. And most likely it was Lucy from the porn film.
Can it be considered violence to do to a person what the other person liked? I think yes. Moreover, in those cases when a woman does it with a man. Because what is pleasant, for example, lower, upper - the fifth circle of hell.
3. "Let's do it quick."
One of the saddest stories is "Monsieur in a hurry". The girl likes the boy, and she does not mind sleeping with him at all. Moreover, she is most likely with two hands behind. But he needs here and now and in the way that suits him. Like "let's go to you." And he doesn't talk about it, but just hurries her - grabs, squeezes, strokes. And in the end, she does not leave time for her to feel good.
And she feels bad about this sex. Although if she had been given a little more time, she would have felt good in it. With the same man.
4. "You're just notorious."
One of the ways of spousal adaptation is the mutual expansion of the boundaries of acceptability. But partners often extend them with the care of a bulldozer. The media tell us that cunnilingus, blowjob, fisting, anal sex, 69 position are absolutely normal. This is a common part of couples sex.
But let's be honest - no.
This is a normal and possible part of sexual relations in a couple. Options. Most of which are automatically disabled in the absence of trust in the pair. Some people cannot do this at all.
There are those who believe that a partner's penis or vagina is as beautiful a part of it as the hands, lips or ears. And there are those who do not think so.
And if we drive a person into a conflict - to do something that disgusts him, or to lose a partner, he can choose the former. But - in general - he will not like it. And he will be … unhappy. And maybe even die. Do you need it?
5. "Listen, are you even cumming?"
One of the big problems in sex is devaluing language. When a man or a woman blurt out something nasty. Sometimes by accident. Sometimes trying to praise.
“And you do it better than Masha”, “You squeak so funny when you finish,” “Oh, you twitch so much as if a current was passed through you” and so on.
The phrase “I felt good with you” is more than enough. Sometimes originality is the enemy.
6. Contraception. No. Not this way. CONTRACEPTION
The phrase "Come on, what's there" is a bad method of contraception. Many women first got their orgasm during pregnancy, precisely because in this state it is already pointless to be afraid of getting pregnant.
If you said to her “come on, I'll take care of everything,” and she later had an abortion, there is a great chance that there will be no more sex, or she will postpone it in all possible ways. I will not explain to you what a woman experiences during an abortion, especially if she wants to have children. You better not know this, because if you can actually feel it, there is a chance that you will not want to have sex at all. And, in principle, an unwanted pregnancy is a terribly unpleasant event. As well as the fear of an unwanted pregnancy is a terribly unpleasant experience.
Women often agree to have sex without a condom because they want to please their partner. Yes, maybe they are onisamiduvinate, maybe they are just very afraid of losing you, maybe they have a reproductive lever that blocks the thought process, but the fear of an unplanned pregnancy is the best antiorgasmin you can think of. That is, it turns out complete nonsense - I myself absolutely agree with this - that a woman takes risks, she feels bad during sex rather than good, and then - when her periods are late - and very bad, but she does not protect herself. Just take it as a fact that women are not good at it, and it will be great if you take care of it yourself.
Learn to juggle condoms, open them with one hand, buy Japanese super-thin ones, save on cigarettes, carry them in your wallet - just in case their use destroys romance or spoils the sensations, or you are afraid that you will be alone with a woman, and you there is nothing, but believe me - this is important. And - yes - many girls are ashamed to talk about it. And - yes - it is EASIER for tormentors to do this. Honestly. Hormone pills are unreliable. Creams and candles work for a limited amount of time and work for one sexual intercourse. The calendar method, interrupted intercourse and lactation do not protect from anything, and there are a large number of children confirming this.
Therefore, very often violence is a man's refusal of contraception. Truth. Yes, I am completely sure of that.
7. Gripping, pinching, biting and other unwanted forms of attention
Many women do not like to be spanked, squeezed and pinched.
They are so gentle. If you think the best way to show your approval is to poke her in the ribs and then slap her ass like in the Wild West movies - ask her if she likes these films and these specific moments.
This is not pure violence. But many women cannot relax with the men they love, precisely because they constantly spank, bite, or do something else with them. If your partner told you “don't do that,” believe me, this is a sign.
8. Skipping consent
A photographer once told me, "When you and I have sex." Not "if", not "maybe, if you agree." "When".
Many men consider this to be flirting. "When I saddle you, my little filly", "I have a surprise for you, and when you open it …" and other nonsense.
When you talk to a woman as if she has already agreed to sleep with you, this makes many women feel that you have already done something bad to them. As if she were a dumb animal or furniture. At this point, many of them feel like they are up for sale. There is also a dialogue, as if she is not in her presence.
Don't skip the consent stage. Come up with a joking form “Do you, the beautiful maiden Oksana, agree to have sex with my beautiful Anton”, “Do you really want this? Otherwise, I would not want to wake up as a sex maniac tomorrow”and wait for at least an elementary nod. Everyone will be better, honestly.
9. Leave no choice
This is probably the most disgusting. I have repeatedly come across the dialogues of men on the topic "Let's get the girls drunk" or "There are three of us, three of them, there will be a girl for everyone", or "And I will come with two friends - I chose one for myself, the second is yours." And at the same time, men very often did not understand that such an analysis in advance puts the girls in a situation where they have nowhere to go. A statement like “the second is yours” - very often creates an illusion in the one who is “you” that the girl already agrees.
In a state of alcoholic intoxication, girls often overestimate the threat and underestimate their strengths and agree to sex, which in life would not agree sober.
Well, I can just say with confidence that a woman, finding herself face to face with a drunk man - most likely - will choose a strategy of obedience or aggressive defense (yes, she can fly with the leg of a chair). Because most of the girls grew up with drunk fathers, who in this state could hit and insult them at any moment, so they have a strong panic reaction to the smell of alcohol from a man.
Therefore, do not get women drunk and do not put them before the choice "to run away" in what was "in the woods at minus fifteen or have sex." This is not a choice.
This is not all. These are just pieces.
And - yes - women simulate orgasm, smile and say all sorts of nice words to you. And at the same time they lie, feel used, dissatisfied and unhappy. Just because they are afraid of you. You are more. You are stronger. You are more aggressive. And they were taught you to be afraid.
Alas, this is the truth of life.
It is very difficult for them to talk about it - there is no skill, no social permission, there are many taboos, prohibitions and expectations on the topic "decent girls don't behave like that." Some people do not even know until thirty (or even a hundred) years old that their body is their business, and what exactly depends on them, what kind of sex they will have and with whom.
I'm sorry, too.