How do you make people love you? Six scientifically proven ways to make strangers like you effortlessly.
So how do you get people to love you? It's easier than you think.
Here are six research-backed tips:
1. Get people to talk about themselves
It will give them a lot of fun.
According to researchers, talking about ourselves, be it in person or on social media like Facebook or Twitter, generates in our brains the same sense of pleasure as food or money.
"Self-disclosure is very helpful," says Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir. She was doing research with her colleague Jason Mitchell. Their discoveries were published at a hearing at the National Academy of Sciences. According to Diana, for the sake of talking about themselves, people are ready to give up even money.
2. Ask questions
If you use leading questions to help people recognize their mistakes themselves and come to the right decision on their own, they will not feel threatened and will become more open.
From Brain Function: Strategies for Restoring Concentration and Productivity Throughout the Day:
“You are not looking for problems, but your interlocutor is looking for flaws in his thinking. You want people to find solutions on their own. The better you can nudge people to grasp the point, the easier it will be to help them keep up, even if they get confused while discussing an important project. Helping other people to figure out and understand what the right decision is, means to get away from the so-called “constructive criticism” and replace it with the desire to help come to positive changes”.
3. Ask for advice
Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, belief expert Robert Sioldini, and many others see asking for advice as a good way to influence people and earn their warmth.
Wharton professor Adam Grant writes in his excellent book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success:
“Recent research has shown that asking for advice is a surprisingly effective strategy to grab attention when we lack credibility with the other person. In one experiment by researcher Katie Lilgenquist, people had to negotiate a possible sale of commercial real estate. When sellers concentrated on setting the highest possible price, only eight percent came to an agreement. When sellers asked buyers what to do best, consulted, forty-two percent managed to agree. The requests for advice had a positive effect on cooperation and information exchange, turning potentially contentious negotiations into a mutually beneficial agreement. These studies demonstrate that in manufacturing, financial services, insurance and pharmaceuticals, asking for advice is the most effective way to influence the mighty, bosses and employees.
4. Technique "two questions"
Ask people about anything that evokes positive emotions. And only then can you ask about other aspects of life.
It sounds silly, but this method is based on research by the psychologist and Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman.
Answering yes to the first question will help people feel more positive emotions about their entire life when you ask your next question.
From Thinking: Fast and Slow by Kahneman:
“This same model works when the question of students' relationships with their parents or their finances is immediately followed by the question of universal happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in one particular area trumps the question of overall happiness. Any emotionally significant issue that changes a person's mood will have the same effect."
5. Repeat the last three words
How can you quickly get people to listen to themselves?
Communication skills expert Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition.
From the book "How to communicate with people: 92 little tips for successful communication":
“… Just repeat the last two or three words of your interlocutor in a sympathetic, slightly hesitant tone. This throws the dialogue ball to the partner's side."
In this way, you can show that you are listening, that you are interested and that you allow the story to continue.
This type of behavior is surprisingly effective. Especially in negotiations.
6. Gossip, but not evil
Research shows that how you respond to others influences how people feel about you.
Praise others, and you will surely be remembered as a positive person. Complain and you will associate with the negative traits you dislike.
From the book "59 Seconds That Will Change Your Life":
“When you gossip about another person, listeners subconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are talking about. Ultimately, all of this will be attributed to you. So, speak well of friends and colleagues and they will see you as a wonderful person. And vice versa - complain constantly about the shortcomings of others and people will subconsciously project all these negative traits on you."