Do you not possess that irresistible beauty, which Hollywood has attracted men to? Do you lead a secluded life, rarely in society? You almost never know men, and those among whom your chosen one could be do not pay attention to you?
Experienced women in life know the sensitive place of many men - their insatiable desire to feel significant - and they play on this very string. André Maurois, in Letters to a Stranger, gives advice to women on how to use this method:
“You don’t possess that irresistible beauty, which Hollywood, alas, was inspired by our men? Do you lead a secluded life, rarely in society? In a word, you almost do not know men, and those among whom your chosen one could be do not pay attention to you?
… Put a ladder to the wall of your house, climb onto the roof and get down to installing a television antenna. That's enough. Immediately, all the men living around you will rush to you, like hornets attracted by a pot of honey. Why? Because they adore technology, they love to make something, because they all consider themselves skillful and skillful … and most importantly, because it gives them great pleasure to show a woman their superiority.
The same freeway game. Stop, lift up the hood of the car, and bend over, bewildered, over the candles. Other hornets, eager for praise, in their turn will stop and offer you their invaluable services."
This form of behavior is essentially a slightly disguised manipulation, in which a person is slowly but steadily pushed into the desired forms of behavior. It should be noted that women are generally more adept at such games than men.
For example, there are many ways to lure a man into the web of marriage. One of them, similar to the gradual immersion of a fly in sweet syrup, is described in the book by I. Volkova and V. Muzychenko "A patchwork quilt for a single woman" ("The path to success", No. 4, 1 995). Its application makes sense in relation to men who have a long-term relationship with a woman, but nevertheless are in no hurry to offer her a hand and a heart, fearing to lose their freedom. This is the sequence of actions the authors of this book propose to apply to a woman.
To begin with, they advise to come up with and act out a situation in which a woman has nowhere to go (for example, she quarreled with her parents, was going to go to her friend, but there were no tickets - and so she calls from the station and does not know what to do). The task of the first stage is to get into the house of your man for a few days. At the same time, in no case should you show your desire to settle there forever, on the contrary, it must be emphasized that in a couple of days another friend will appear in the city with whom you can live.
While staying on the territory of a man, it is recommended to behave very carefully: do not take anything without his permission, do not answer phone calls, do not scatter your belongings around the apartment, do not try to take possession of the keys to his apartment. At the same time, it is recommended to surround the man with attention, care and affection, prepare delicious meals (after asking permission to mess around in the kitchen!) And not let him do anything around the house.
After that it is recommended to suddenly disappear. It is necessary to give the man time to rest, taste freedom, stain dishes and linen and eat all the supplies of household food in the refrigerator that the woman has prepared. At this stage, you cannot remind yourself. If the call from the chosen one does not follow, you need to call yourself, but not in order to meet, but solely to pick up your toothbrush, which should be specially "forgotten" on the last day. Arriving "for a brush", one should, without asking permission, put things in order in the apartment, again "forget" some thing and leave for 7-10 days.
Feminine gestures to attract attention
True, psychologists warn against such a "technological" approach to marriage, rightly believing that the relationship between the sexes is primarily based on feelings, and not on reason, and replacing the first with the second can be costly for both partners. Nevertheless, the authors of the aforementioned book, obviously, believe that if the whole problem of the future marriage union is reduced only to the shyness and indecision of a man, then it is not a sin to push him, albeit with the help of not entirely honest methods.
The most frequently used female weapon of deception and seduction is coquetry, which manifests itself not so much in words as in posture and characteristic gestures. Thus, Allan Pease in his book "Sign Language" notes several characteristic female gestures used to attract the attention of men and arouse their sexual interest. First of all, these are “gestures of preening”, which include touching hair and clothes, as well as prolonged intimate gaze, shaking hair and other gestures.
A stronger impression is made by specific feminine signs of courtship, to which Allan Pease refers to legs apart, swaying hips, a sidelong glance, a slightly open mouth, a sidelong glance from behind a raised shoulder and stroking a cylindrical object.
Eric Byrne explicitly calls this behavior "deceitful", although other psychologists consider such a course of action to be quite adequate to the corresponding intentions. In their opinion, each person has the right to choose his own way of interacting with others, taking into account, first of all, the effectiveness of the method. Bern does not approve of such methods:
“Some women amplify the impact of their appearance in a socially accepted way, while others resort to deception. One sits down defiantly, the other stands near the air conditioner, legs apart, so that her skirt is slightly lifted. Some people like to bend over, lifting something so that their buttocks show their roundness, or put their hands behind their heads. These are all things that well-mannered ladies should not do, dishonest forms of competition that can annoy and annoy other women."
In general, it must be admitted that the strategy of thinking and acting in different sexes during courtship is sometimes diametrically opposite. Here are two sayings on this subject, taken from La Bruyere's Characters, which seem to have a certain grain of truth:
“In life, there are often cases when a woman does her best to hide the passion she has for a man, while he also diligently plays out a love that he does not feel for her at all.”
"Women can lie more easily when speaking about their feelings, and men speak the truth even more easily."