Do you want to radically change your life or just some changes? Dump the ballast, fill the sail of your life, and venture out into the unknown.
Do you want to radically change your life? Or do you just want a change? To move on, you need to discard all unnecessary things. Tips with what you need to "tie up" so that you have time and strength for change, and so that you just have an easier life.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people
We live in a consumer society, and that's okay. Every person in your life should give you something, not necessarily material: you learn from someone, someone gives you emotions, someone gives you warmth and joy, and next to someone you laugh to tears.
It is not necessary to communicate only with directors in order to reach for development. Even your classmate Kolka, who, like a Latvian, has only *** and a soul, can be “that” person if he gives you something that others do not give - for example, simple human heart-to-heart communication. Maybe only with him, you feel truly alive?
Everyone has such people-wardrobes. They are like a wardrobe: if it is, it is good, if it is not, it is also normal. Life is too short to waste on a wardrobe. There are a lot of leech people in life, they suck you, trying to get something, but give nothing in return. Get rid of them without regret. Out of politeness or good intentions, you do not refuse them, but believe me, a great value in life is just being able to say the word "no". Someday I will write a post about this, because only recently I realized how few people are capable of this.
Make room in your life for those with whom you are really interested, with whom you want to be. Communication with whom does not cause cognitive dissonance within you, going to a meeting with whom you do not have to break yourself, but you want to run with joy. Such people give you inspiration inside.
2. Stop running away from your problems
They will not dissolve and disappear on their own, no matter how much you want. Don't even hope. By delaying the decision-making time, you only make things worse, the problems coiled one on top of the other, like a snowball.
By closing our eyes to problems, we try to limit ourselves from negative emotions. But to be upset, to be in pain, to be sad, to stumble and fall is normal for a being named Human. This is how we learn to solve problems by overcoming, experiencing and ultimately solving them. This is what makes us human.
This world is ruled by women. Women are much stronger, men are very weak. And they really don't like to solve problems by burying them inside themselves, hiding them, closing their eyes to it. Preferring not to speak, not to decide and delay the moment. Or maybe everything will resolve itself? Nope, it won't dissolve. I have not been crying for a long time, I have no tears, and even if a colossal fucking happens in my life, I fall into a panic attack, suffocate, but try to understand, what should I do next? I cannot and do not want to wait, bury problems in a distant box. I prefer to decide everything right now.
3. Stop lying to yourself
Perhaps this is the most painful point for me, because I am a great specialist in this. If I really want something, I will convince myself, inside my own head box, ad infinitum, that it is possible. And probably, here I give advice, first of all, to myself. Unfortunately, no matter what the black magicians of reality transfer tell us, there are things that we simply cannot influence. No matter how much we hit our heads on the ice. For example, we cannot change other people. No matter how much they try to convince themselves: "He will definitely change, he will definitely become the way I want!" No. We can change ourselves and the whole world around us, but we cannot change other people.
Perhaps, temporarily, at some point it may seem: “Oh! It seems to work!”, But this is an illusion. More precisely, temporary attempts. Everything passes and returns to normal.
4. Stop pushing your needs into the background
And feed yourself "breakfasts" that "well, this will wait", "and even without this I, perhaps, can manage", tamping my true desires into distant boxes, like winter clothes on the eve of summer. And then we feel dissatisfaction, lose our taste for life, cry and complain about fate.
Investing a lot in love for others, firmly forgetting about yourself, there is a great risk of losing yourself, and one morning you wake up and realize that most of your life has passed, and you have not:
- went downhill skiing;
- jumped with a parachute;
- saw Paris;
- went in for sports;
- learned to draw….
further down the list, here each has its own items. Of course, doing good for others is paramount for a person, without this the meaning of existence is simply lost, but understand, closer to you - you yourself have no one. Do good for yourself too.
5. Don't try to be someone else
Ooooh, it's about me! Every time, after watching a movie or reading a book, I am inspired by the image of another romantic, airy beauty, and even for a couple of days I try to behave this way …! Ha. Well, to begin with, I don't like a lot about myself. I do not like my type of figure, such short "stocky" girls (brrrr, what a terrible word!). All my life I dreamed of being a kind of skinny girl with smooth, measured movements and an easy gait, whose elbows and knees can gouge out an eye. I'm very passionate. I am really influenced by all these images of girls that I will never be. Well, I will never be thin and airy, nature did not give me this. I will never have a vanilla instagram with beautifully laid out food and sugary processing, even this blog will never be joyfully motivating, ala: “Oops! This is such a wonderful day, let's think positively and live right! " Just because I'm not like that. Yes, I’m a girl “with a trash”, in my soul there are many black corners and at times black moods overtake me, I can be very angry, I am a little brutal, yes, I am often rude and harsh, and there are many imperfections in my appearance. And one day you just have to accept it.
I'm writing about myself now, but I'm sure many will be familiar with this. Probably one of the hardest things in life is just being yourself, accepting yourself as you are. Someone will always be more beautiful, someone kinder and better, someone younger, someone has clearer thoughts. And what we will never be able to do is become someone else.
6. Stop holding on to the past
Here's another common truth: let go of the past in order to let the future into your life. But why is it so hard to stop holding on to it? I often sigh for those times when we had an encounter party in Omsk, how we loved each other and how much we meant to each other. I often say that it was the best time. Before you, I have never had such friends in my life and, perhaps, never will. I still remember many dialogues literally literally, and every time I see the number 9:03 on the clock I remember you Lina and your wonderful philosophical thought about that time and our lives. I hold on to my past, like that old grandmother who never throws out trash, ramming it with kilograms in her apartment and overgrows it so that in the end there is no free space left at all.
I guess I just don't associate myself with my age. I live in that time and at that age, as if I am still 22. I still think and feel everything, I am also ready for recklessness at any moment. And if right now Smallbold says to me, as once on the metro Dostoevskaya: "Have we gone to Moscow?"Is it good or bad? Maybe it's high time to grow up? May be. But for some reason it seems to me that this is not mine.
Why is it so hard to be happy here and now? Associate yourself with this place and this time? Yes, there is always something missing in life. You feel nostalgic for the past or for the future. There is always a sense of frustration. As if you could have something, but for some reason you don't. Now I have to kind of write something smart, but I don't have the answers to all these questions. I live my past, I live my 20 years old.
This is silly. It's so cool here and now.
7. Stop being afraid of mistakes
The best thing about failure is that each failure ultimately leads to success. Just like every success is saturated with echoes of past failures. And that is why it is even sweeter.
There is no need to be afraid of mistakes, if only because they do not exist in nature. What do you mean "it was a mistake"? There was no mistake, there was experience. Honestly, I have done so many things in my life, but I do not think that I was wrong somewhere or did something wrong. It's true. I learned from each situation an experience. I drew conclusions. Got something. Each situation is a point that add up to a path. And if it were not for one of them, I would not have ended up where I am now. If this happened, then it was necessary. nothing. not. going on. simply. so. It sounds rather fatal, but I believe in it, I do not just believe, but I know for sure. It is so arranged that it is not immediately clear to us why something is happening, and only after a while, looking back into the past, do you understand the meaning of things.
8. Stop berating yourself for past mistakes
If only because there are no errors, we have already discussed this in the last paragraph. But, of course, we are all sinners and at certain moments we find ourselves engaging in this thankless task - mourning the mistakes of the past. The most meaningless thing in the world. The past - it is impossible to change, and the future - perhaps spend your precious time better for the second.
We all fall in love with the wrong people, do the wrong things, but it is these “mistakes” that help us find the right ones. Because without mistakes, understanding would not have come, and what we, in fact, want to get in life. As the Eastern wisdom says: to find a butterfly, you need to endure a couple of caterpillars. The main thing is to let go without regret.
You are not your mistakes and not your struggle, you are a person who is here and now. And this is the only thing you can influence. You can build your day or your future. Or spend yourself mourning the past, living it over and over in your head. No matter how much you suffer because of your past, you cannot change anything. Nothing at all. Everything. Already. It happened. But whatever happens in your life is just one more step that prepares you for the future.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness
It's no secret that shopping therapy is a working thing, but dangerous. There would be no play here. It's one thing to please yourself with a new skirt or watch in moments of bad mood, and another thing to decide that buying a Lamborghini will make us happy. It won't.
A lot of what we want is really expensive. You can ruin yourself trying to save up or earn money, or take a loan, pay it off for years, finding yourself in a financial hole … But with the long-awaited "Lamborghini". And how, when the initial euphoria passes, to realize that nothing has changed? You are still the same person, with the same problems, but now also in a financial ass.
It is important to realize: what do you really want - really "Lamborghini" or to make yourself a little happier?
Duck, the things that make us truly happy - love, laughter, the smile of a loved one - are actually completely free. Is it worth spending millions in pursuit of imaginary ideals?
Better buy a dog - this is the only way money can buy love.
ten. Stop looking for someone to be happy
Very often I hear from girls the following phrase: “I am so sad, so lonely, I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m not interested in anything, my life is empty and worthless. I want someone to come and fill it with meaning."
Someone - this, of course, means a man. I also had such a period. There is an empty glass, and there is a full one. When you are an empty glass, you are exhausted and worthless, your own lack of initiative oppresses you and is corroded by self-pity, your life is gray and meaningless, every new day is like another and nothing brings joy. And so I want him to come … Spas, pulled it out. Filled your life with meaning. And he still does not come and does not come. Why?
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Nobody will come and save. The rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. Until you yourself become that very Baron Munchausen and pull yourself out of the swamp by the mustache, no one will. At least I do not know of a single such case.
Are you not interested in anything, is your life meaningless? Forgive me, but what about you should interest a man?
Men do not like girls who are immersed in unrestrained depression, they sense this a mile away, they do not want to dive into your problems in advance. Give them interesting, self-sufficient - girls who are doing well.
Until you become interesting to yourself, you will not interest anyone.
