Qualitative instruction on the use of life for those who are from twenty to thirty years old. Relationships, cohabitation, successful marriage and other love affairs.
We have already told you that the new book "Important Years", which came out a couple of months ago, very quickly broke all sales records. This is understandable, because "Important Years" is an instruction on the use of life for those who are from twenty to thirty. Psychologist Mag Jay writes about why it is so important not to miss this particular decade. Today we have collected the main myths about marriage from Mag J:
Myth # 1: Young guys and girls are in no hurry to get married
In popular magazines, twenties and thirties are portrayed as bachelors, almost obsessed with avoiding any major commitments. Experts and parents are concerned that the institution of marriage is losing its attractiveness, courtship is a thing of the past, and casual ties have turned out to be a new way of building relationships.
But in my office, I hear very different stories. I have not yet met a boy or girl of this age who would not like to get married / get married or at least find a loving and faithful partner.
Myth # 2: A successful career is more important than a successful marriage
There is a lot of admiration for having clearly defined professional goals, and we take many years to achieve them. When it comes to a career, there are books, courses, studies, consultants, or services in that area around every corner. Perhaps this is the way it should be, since a career is a very important aspect of life. However, there are so many points of reference and opportunities for redefining and building a career along the way that it is simply incomparable to choosing a partner or life partner.
Starting a family is one of the most important events in our life, because a lot depends on it. If building a career can be compared to playing blackjack, then choosing a life partner is like going to the roulette wheel and putting all your chips on red, 32.
Your choice of partner and all related aspects of adult life depend on one decision. Money, work, lifestyle, family, health, leisure, retirement and even death all turn into a pair race (where one runner's foot is tied to the other's).
Myth # 3: The later the better …
It is well established that marriage between young people under the age of twenty is the most unstable. Combined with data on how the process of growing up after twenty years, it has convinced many that the principle of "the later, the better" is true when it comes to starting a family.
But scientists come to slightly different conclusions. Recent research shows that getting married after twenty does prevent divorce, but that this applies only to the age of twenty-five. After twenty-five, predicting the likelihood of divorce is almost impossible. This conclusion runs counter to the notion that it is best to get married as late as possible.
Myth # 4: … but thirty is the deadline
Many of my clients in their twenties either don't take love relationships seriously or feel like they shouldn't. But about thirty years old, they suddenly, quite unexpectedly, have an urgent need for marriage.
The question now is not whether young people in their twenties should make hasty decisions when choosing a life partner, or whether it is better to continue the search, whether they should settle down or be more selective in their choice. Much has already been written on this topic, and discussions are becoming more and more fierce.
The most important thing is this: young people between the ages of twenty and thirty should not be content with little and spend their young years on meaningless relationships that are unlikely to be successful. You should not wait thirty years to become more demanding in your choice. You need to be selective when you are still able to think clearly. Plus, as with work, good relationships don't come out of nowhere when we're ready for it. It may take several meaningful attempts to build them before we really understand what love and commitment are.
Myth # 5: Cohabitation helps test a partner
In the United States, the cohabitation rate has increased by 1,500 percent over the past fifty years. About two-thirds of young men and women in their twenties are convinced that living together is a great way to avoid divorce. However, such couples are actually less happy with their marriage; in addition, they are more likely to divorce than couples who did not live together prior to marriage. Sociologists call this phenomenon the cohabitation effect. And this is what it consists of.
Very often young people in their twenties decide to live with their partners, believing that it is cheaper and does not carry any risk. However, after a few months or years, they realize that they cannot break this vicious circle and it becomes very difficult to leave a partner.
In behavioral economics, this phenomenon is denoted by the term "consumer closure." A closure is a situation where choosing one option significantly reduces the likelihood of choosing another after an investment has already been made in something.
If you start living with someone before marriage, then you need to understand that living together with someone not only can make life unhappy and lead to divorce, but it also increases the likelihood of making a mistake that will take too much time to fix.