How to communicate and act with a specific girl? Study her horoscope! The stars will tell you what awaits you with one or another of the fair sex.
Aries
To give or not to give - that is the question.
Aries woman is an aunt who is completely indifferent to sex. But with men, it's still incredible nyasha. Mimimi and mur-mur-mur. And she gives only because, as it seems, it is necessary, they give everything. But all this sex they, in general, absolutely do not care. This is where the dead libido is, in spite of the fiery sign.
Because besides sex, there are always more important things to do: jump on a trampoline, play Easter cakes. Why doesn't Aries need sex, but need cakes? Well, it's that simple! Aries women are children. Cheerfulness, optimism, energy, urrra!
Aries woman never thinks. Necessary? Went! Nafig need? Yes, do not care, we are already going! How can they not let us in? And what are the horns for?
Aries woman always wants to do something. The Aries woman who sits still is the sleeping Aries. It is ideal to entrust the Aries woman with some garbage that her hands have never reached, indicate the direction, and let it play.
Until he returns - to rest and enjoy life.
Taurus
So, we cut the mushrooms thinly, lay out neatly. Cheese on top - in an even layer, sprinkle with a little lemon, serve, secretly dragging yourself away. And God forbid someone steals a piece before the instruments are laid out on the napkins!
Wash my legs before going to bed, wipe them with a separate towel. We wash the towel, hang it up, and when it dries, be sure to iron it.
In short, a Taurus woman is able to * beat anyone with her scrupulousness. But her husband instills that this is the very comfort of home, and without it, well, you can’t live.
To hell, she'll let someone just exist in peace. And God forbid to wipe your feet with that hand towel!
She has spices in jars, the man - by line, wash the children, build, wash again.
Inclined to work. But he presents it as a non * bic achievement.
Able to drive you to a fever that cannot decide. And in general, panic is the second name of the Taurus woman. If something is suddenly not foreseen, Taurus begins to be sausage.
That is why God forbid you to go somewhere with a Taurus woman! On a two-day trip, she will take two suitcases, in which (just in case) there will be: three skirts, six pairs of trousers, five T-shirts, seven blouses (suddenly cold?) Two jackets (suddenly even colder?), A fur coat (suddenly in the middle of August - and time, winter!) three handbags, shoes, boots and sandals (and it is not known what the weather is like there!), eight jars from which you need to wash, ten tubes from which you can then paint, half a ton of medicines, a hatchet, a rope ladder, an inflatable raft …
… and a lace napkin to cover the TV in the room. Schaub was beautiful.
Likes to hang on all sorts of bullshit. If a Taurus woman is not hung with one and a half kilograms of gold and other bright rubbish, this is the wrong Taurus.
Comfort and convenience are paramount. To persuade a Taurus woman to feats, she must be packed in a bag and dragged to the place of feat. Fuck, you’ll pull her out of the house otherwise.
That is why they often live like in the film "What Men Talk About": "Some unfamiliar girls, some kind of gratifying, and tomorrow to work … well, he nafig!"
Twins
-Dear, it's absolutely impossible to talk to you, you never know what will explode.
-I am old?!
Living with a Gemini woman is mentally a life in a minefield. And you never know why. Because naturally at least three people hang out in a Gemini woman, and they have their own atmosphere there.
Typical Gemini. Phone call:
-Dear, what do you cook? I can have pea soup, can soup from sauerkraut.
-Oh, come on cabbage soup!
… At home, pea soup will be waiting for him. Why she called - it is not clear.
The Gemini woman secretly does not believe in the good, sincere and disinterested attitude of people towards each other. She is also secretly convinced that friends exist only to one day do a dirty trick, and her friends sleep and see how to get their hands on her husband.
Gemini women are generally very nice in public, but God forbid living nearby.
By the way, the May Gemini, although they have similarities with the June ones, they have different characters.
Maiskie are careerists to the core, commanders in skirts. May's are like this: we command, we work, we command (my husband fled to where it is quieter), we work, we command - aaaaa, why is there no personal life ?! Building relationships at work? Not allowed! And it’s supposed to double up once a year, take tickets to the Amazon jungle, buy a Panama hat and go fuck the whole tribe. Then get drunk on the postinor, get tested for all sorts of infections and again a harsh business woman who doesn’t need anything.
At night, at 2.30, cry into the pillow: "Aaa, no one will love me!"
The June Gemini women are a little easier and simpler.
To the occupied Slavyansk on a date from St. Petersburg? Yes, no question, let's go!
In Voronezh, right now, without money? Great idea, always dreamed of!
Are you coming to visit me? Cool, I'm waiting, 4 o'clock in the morning, you say? Come on, what bullshit!
But, fuck, if depression … that's it. I’m forty tomorrow. I do not need anything, life has failed and is over. I will sit in a chair and knit until I die of exhaustion.
And, guys, any Gemini woman is ready to endure betrayal. More precisely, not even so. She is, in principle, ready to be unhappy and endure. She clings to the man with a stranglehold, and even if he obviously does not suit her and ruins her life, she will let go of the hell.
Cancer
That's how I didn't know what to say about Cancer men, and I don't know what to say about women. It's strange for me that Cancer is not an earth sign. They are kind of solid. Grounded at all.
Cancer Woman - she does not stand out at all. You can meet with her once every six months, because more often neither you nor her have time, and after ten years you will understand that you have been friends for a long time.
Everyday passivity leads to the fact that the Cancer woman does not need much, she finds herself an ordinary partner who does not have enough stars, takes him, and begins to lay eggs. She puts it off for a long time and slowly. She is in no hurry, even if her name is married. Well, where should we hurry? Why, fifteen years together? Well, yes, probably it's time. Let's discuss it in a couple of years?
In general, it is impossible to jest with Cancer women by definition, they do not give reasons. No shit, no shit.
They are friendly, calm, good. Always help out and always disinterestedly, if only they are not lazy. They will always have a cup of coffee with you and tell many interesting stories, they will always listen to you and not interrupt. Such good women, all as one. Reliable friends, reliable wives.
A boring horoscope about them turned out, but you will forgive, there is nowhere to prick them. Even me;)
a lion
The Leo woman will lay a fold on her skirt for half an hour, while her man is busy with something and he urgently needs help. A three-year-old child will not be able to stand the first and will run to help dad. The Leo Woman will continue to stack the skirt.
For the king. I said - King!
Tsar Baba in everything. She is so solitary in the attention of others that even an anecdote will be told as if she was casting at the Comedy Club.
God forbid being the husband of a Leo woman. These women are awesome friends, the kind who will pull you out of someone else's trunk at night, but if you are her husband, you are a schmuck by definition.
Because she will not get along with a strong man, and every morning she will serve a weak one for herself for breakfast. (Everyday life in a decent family is a Leo woman plus an Aries man. The protocol can be written already at the wedding.)
Leadership in the Leo woman is so developed that it borders on a fratricidal war.
Having flared up, the Leo woman turns into a woman-drama. And in general, she lives as if she is on stage, and these wretched, wretched people sitting in the hall, and not knowing anything about art, are simply obliged to get up and bring her flowers.
Fuck what cooks. What is good about a Leo woman is what she cooks from the heart and with a twist. But if you have a small penis, don't be attracted to her, even for a tasty one. Because she is one of those who are quite capable of saying: “Aah, what ?! And it's all? Is that really everything ?!"
She doesn't care about your feelings.
Virgo
Man, remember: a Virgo woman does not love you. Even if she diligently pretends that she cannot live without you, know that in her soul she yawns.
Because Virgo is not capable of love at all. When everyone was given the ability to love, make friends and become attached, the Virgo woman stood in line with everyone, got her share, junked her around the corner at exorbitant prices, put the money in a moneybox and got in line again. Maybe some fool will buy again.
Virgo said about compassion and disinterestedness "what the fuck" and refused to take it even for nothing. It's not a hot commodity anyway.
If you are friends with a Virgo woman, it is not because you have a deep understanding with her and other human joys. She just needs you for some reason.
If it seems to you that this is all nonsense and she is disinterestedly friends with you (because you still can't give her anything), take a closer look: maybe she keeps you with her because you shade her favorably?
Self-conceit is ahead of the Virgo woman. To keep her own ego afloat, she tends to gather around herself a retinue, which sooner or later will want to be controlled by a steel hand.
Three girlfriends came out * to conquer Peter. The three of them threw themselves into an apartment and began to receive clients.
Soon one of them decided that it was she who would be the main (read - mother), and said that the other two were obliged to give her half of the earned from each client.
The girls had been friends for ten years, no less. Guess who was the one who decided to collect bribes from her friends?
Loot and work are the only things that interest these zodiacal biscuits.
Virgo is one of those who will look for a 24-hour sex shop, because she does not leave work before eleven.
Weekends?? Oooh! What interesting things to do? Mmm … oooh, great refresher seminar, two days, eight hours with a coffee break.
At a coffee break, a Virgo woman meets a man, whom she takes to her house. There he puts him on the bed as needed, dictates to him what to do, and then, when he is about to fall asleep, gives out phlegmatically: "Honey, I called a taxi for you, excuse me, I need to sleep, tomorrow is a difficult day."
Well I say - Virgo drove simple human feelings around the corner. Expensive.
scales
The Libra woman is a fucking woman who is an esthete. In everything.
Everything around should be pretty. If she herself - then so stylishly, if a man - then in boots for 500 bucks. She will take care of the boots herself. Because Libra really doesn't care what people think of them.
By the way about the man. Usually, a Libra woman picks up the first x * ynyu she comes across (because the "mother" is generally inclined to take obscure personalities that no one else would have picked up), and begins to make a person out of him. So as not to be ashamed to show your girlfriends. The Libra man is "usi-pusi, my bunny." She tends to build a separate beautiful world around her man. For this, and a galloping horse, and in a burning hut too.
Typical Libra. Picked up a man, spent a couple of nights with him. As soon as she was convinced that he was now exactly her, she took her to the dentist. Place braces. Because the man next to her should have beautiful teeth.
The Libra woman is a woman-woman. If a man drew on the way, she runs to the shower, does the styling, takes Michael Kors's bag and goes on a date with the look as if it was not she who was lying at home for three days with unshaven legs. In general, everything that a Libra woman does, she does for the sake of men. If a Libra woman does not do for the sake of a man, she does nothing at all.
It is necessary to lure a Libra woman exclusively for aesthetics. That's all - flowers, champagne, the smell of cigars - there should be more here than with others.
Scorpion
If somewhere there are ten gloomy people, and one walks among them and, looking into everyone's eyes, tries to speak, know: this is a Scorpio woman.
From a trip to the market for potatoes, he will bring the contacts of three new acquaintances and one potential lover.
The sociability of the eightieth leveled, coupled with increased f * lity, leads to the fact that a lover starts in Kemerovo, a lover starts in St. Petersburg, another one in Samara, plus a lover in Penza. This I am now writing about a woman of sixty-five years old, if that.
Scorpio's f * cking has no morality. I went to my Lyosha to feed the fish, while he was on a business trip, on the way I picked up a friend Kolya. She gave herself up to Kolya in front of the fish - well, what, they are still silent, they do not burn.
The Scorpio woman loves to help. But this help is rather strange. It’s like it’s always not up to the end.
How an ordinary person picks up a kitten: he takes it, surrounds him with mi-mi-mi, buys him special food, a pipette, gives him water, heals, and attaches. Or keeps it for himself. The soul has become attached to it. In short, he runs around with the cat in every possible way, and blows under his tail until the end of his life as a cat.
How a Scorpio woman picks up a kitten.
The cat had kittens at work. All were torn apart by the dogs, there was only one left. The Scorpio woman realized that she needed to be saved. She takes a three-week-old kitten to her place and gives him dry food. So, the "save" and "feed" boxes are ticked. If he wants to live, he will eat. The kitten, realizing that no one will run around with him, learns to eat what is given. Six months later, the Scorpio woman comes to the conclusion that the cat has already been saved and then somehow herself, and releases the almost ready cat, who has become stern from such a life, into its natural habitat. The cat has already figured out that life is not nichrome pink, it has matured, and now it's so easy to fuck someone down!
… and the Scorpio woman soon picks up a sparrow that has fallen from the nest.
The same applies to loved ones. If you just need sympathy and mi-mi, then this is not here. The Scorpio woman does not understand why to dwell on such useless things for a long time, which are still about nothing, when you need to act specifically. In short, he lives with loved ones according to the principle "if you want to live, you will eat." If you don't want to eat, who is your doctor?
Eating is, of course, conditional.
I am inclined to do "uuh", but "uuuh" is often in spite of myself.
In spite of her husband, she left him with two children. I was worried for a long time, but did not return, although I called. Well, how to get back? In spite must be to the end, so stone upon stone! What? To spite yourself? Yes, and do not care!
(If you think that your husband was drinking-beating-cheating, then you are mistaken. She just didn’t like something).
In short, the Scorpio woman is a kind woman, but, a bitch, surrra. And you can live with her only if you do not expect unnecessary sentiment. And you need to fuck her competently. And often.
Sagittarius
The Sagittarius woman is a universal evil. The devil, seeing the Sagittarius woman, cries and cries. I have never met more intolerant and naughty creatures in my life. They burn, burn until they run out and fry everyone around. If about women-Sagittarius briefly, then this is "blood-guts-rasilo ** rasilo."
The Sagittarius woman drives herself to madness first, then everyone around her, then herself again.
This woman-hell-hold. Aaaaaa, paaleteli! No money left? Well, we'll rob the bank! No time? We will expand the space. No chance? Yes, no ssy, a hundred poods somewhere one was lying around for us, why should we lose something!
Sometimes there is something to lose, but she, as a true fucking by nature, does not understand this.
If you disagree with her, that's your problem. Able to distribute mental pi * dulins even from a distance.
The most typical situation with a Sagittarius woman.
Half past one night. The message in WhatsApp (I rewrite it verbatim, from the phone):
“I thought for a long time and realized what needs to be done! To shoot. We need to open our own cafe! I have already thought of everything, I will find an investor. Everyone opens up why we are worse! Only some thematic is required. The world needs to know about us! We are smart women, how long can you like this ?!"
I, tearing my eyes at the sound of the phone:
"Oh my god … Liz, are you sober?"
Lisa:
"Absolutely!"
Following from her, immediately, one after the other:
“You don’t need anything in this life at all?
Seriously?
Do you really think that you will be doing this blog your whole life? What should I do ?!
Or do you really want to go back to the panel?
Here to me. Curious, really. You really don't need a fucking thing ??? Why such a reaction ??? You have never offered anything in all the years !! Why?? But why?? Really not a single idea came to mind during this time?"
I, completely fucking, woke up already:
“Liz, fuck me! Open a cafe who won't let you!"
The phone breaks in response:
“Yes, I don’t suggest you do everything yourself
This reaction just pisses me off!
Really not a single idea comes to mind!"
I, beast:
“Liza, fuck! What the fuck ?!"
Lisa answered:
“Why the hell are you for each of my proposals with your“oh my God”???
Why can you never react calmly ??"
I AM:
"Lisa … Let me just go about my business while you're thinking about ideas."
Lisa:
"Are you accusing me now ???"
I AM:
"Aaaaaaaaa!"
Lisa:
“Why can't you just write, 'Well, good idea, let's think about it.'
And that's it, nothing else is needed!
Good idea, let's think about it!
And you "oh my god"! What the fuck?
And so on!
Why is this attitude every time!"
I AM:
"Fuck …"
Lisa:
"Everything! I don’t want to discuss anything else! Good! For * balo!"
… two in the morning. I'm sitting in a * yea. I understand that I just flew in, but I do not at all fudge what for.
Only a Sagittarius woman born in the year of the Ox can be worse than a Sagittarius woman.
I knew three such women, plus one decorative rat. The rat was fucked too.
It was finally not clear why she went to bed, because there are still so many things to do in the cage!
A man who has kept different rats all his life said that he had never seen a rat with SUCH character.
Moral: If your mental health is dear to you, stay away from the Sagittarius woman.
Capricorn
So, calmness, only calmness!
If a Libra woman begins to change a man for herself, then a Capricorn woman does this: she finds a man for herself and begins to create life comfort and a calm, well-fed life around him.
In principle, any man will suit her for these purposes. We take what we have, there is no time to think, we have to work. She is one of those who sell their shares at a low price. She just has such a picture of the world.
In order to maximize comfort, I am ready to go in * to the point of stupor. The man at this time, of course, relaxes a lot.
When, from a too good life next to her, he begins to opiate, the Capricorn woman, due to her own durability, endures it for a long time.
The man dicks up even more. The Capricorn woman begins to broadcast to her friends about her hard lot, but she is in no hurry to change anything. There is still strength, you can drag.
At some point, the forces end and the man specifically gets horns on his forehead. However, he still will not draw conclusions, for he is used to the fact that she is rushing everything, and does not at all understand why he was suddenly so, because it was possible for a long time.
After that, the Capricorn woman calms down and again turns into a woman-horse for a long time.
… And the man starts to dabble again.
Aquarius
Kindness will save the world! Oh, why is the world not so pink?
The Aquarius woman is an unmade waste. Opinion? Ask your husband, the husband knows best.
This is where the man in the family is always in charge - this is with the Aquarius woman. She herself will walk on toes and obey her daddy.
And she will obey him because she is terribly adaptable to everything. If an Aquarius woman is lucky with a man - great. If she's unlucky, she'll still look reverently into the mouth of any idiot who happens to be her husband.
The creatures are touchy, but not vindictive at all. They are generally more interested in buttercups-flowers, and not in this cruel, cruel world.
Aquarius women love money, but, oddly enough, unlike men, they are not at all selfish. Moreover, this unselfishness borders on selflessness.
My husband gave me some jewelry. We lived and lived, it came, alas, to divorce. Oh, maybe the jewelry can be returned?
By the way, as my acquaintances, men, Aquarius women used to say, despite the seeming crystallinity, there is enough f * li, among them there are many hidden bdsm women and girls with raisins in general. This, you know, when you undress a cute modest pussy, and there is a butt plug in the ass, and a diamond glistens in it.
When I already wrote about women-Aquarius, I thought that for the purity of the sample I was missing someone else.
-Liz, - I said, - well, remember who you know of the Aquarius women?
“Yes, I don’t remember something so quickly,” Lizka thought.
I sat still and suddenly recalled one delicate fairy, a silver maiden, a crystal flower, completely unadapted to the world. However, I did not communicate much with the flower, and therefore did not know her horoscope.
- Hey, Liz, - I asked, - and Natasha-curly-haired - who is she?
-Well so, - Lizka laughed, - Aquarius!
Fishes
Remember the scene from Men in Black where Agent Jay shoots a cute girl who suddenly finds herself among the monsters? He immediately understood: if there are all ghouls around, and she is the only one here in a dress, it means that the girl is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo right! And she, along the way, is more dangerous than all peaceful ghouls put together.
Remember, huh?
So the girl is a Pisces woman.
They look at everything around them with their eyes, "God, what a fucking world!" That does not negate the fact that inside they consider themselves almost the chosen ones and get an orgasm from this.
By the way, these are very cynical and tough women. They don't really feel sorry for anyone. You don't feel sorry for yourself either.
The Pisces woman is a person without an opinion. More precisely, it is, but it is not hers, and it is not clear where she picked it up. If Pisces gave you an opinion, forget it. Anyway, tomorrow everything will be different. Discussing something with a Pisces woman is a bad job. If she nods, it doesn't mean she agrees. If she rereads it doesn't mean that she is against it. Everything means nothing at all.
If you need to offer her to go somewhere, then you need to do it in at least six months, so that she thinks well and gets used to this idea. But be on the lookout, for the Pisces woman is stupid. It is easier for her to agree with the proposal than to explain that she has no money, will not have a vacation and she simply does not want to go to the sea. And she agrees. But when you have already bought a new suitcase and four days before the planned trip you are going with her for a burning tour, she will put you in a cafe and say that she is not going. In fact, she had already decided this long ago, but she was afraid to say.
What she was afraid of is not clear.
If you ask her to even just walk down the street, she will think for a long time. First about whether she wants it or not, then about what awaits her on the way. She will calculate all sorts of options, she needs to know for sure what she is being drawn into and what all this threatens. Pisces are not calculating, not. They are miscalculated.
The Pisces woman is not the head, but she is still a gray eminence.
Despite the fact that she herself is not able to decide something, you should know: if you see a man screaming "Aaa, I need it!" runs forward, breaking his neck, which means that somewhere behind his Fish is swimming.
To instill in her husband that he needs to go to Afghanistan for a little while so that he gets a "participant in the fighting …" and all the nishtyaks that come with this? Oh yeah! This is the Pisces woman. Well I said - I don’t feel sorry for anyone.
But Pisces women are born mothers. They are naturally tailored for the family. Even if they are building a career, it is only because nobody needs borscht and so far there is no one to wipe the snot.
But as soon as she finds the man she needs and gets married, she sends her whole career to f * ches and settles at home between the TV and the stove, with one hand shaking the baby, the other stirring the stir fry for the soup.
Another Pisces woman is always a fucking sufferer. First, she will ardently declare to her husband that her lover has even more horseradish (thinks up); her husband, who had silently endured half a day of a quarrel before that, finally fucks her (not much, he never beat women before!), she will run out with a roar and go to her friends screaming: “Aaa, he is fucking me! ".
Girlfriends, knowing the Pisces woman well, will sympathize with her husband. This unfortunate man will endure for a long time! As long as he has at least a piece of his tasty brain left, the Fish will eat it and the horseradish will float away.
They walk to the left according to the principle “ah, he looked at me wrong ?! I must take revenge, I will go with that, with that, and a little with that!"
Even if it doesn’t come to e * li (probably, because they dream more than they do), he will secretly indulge himself with the thought that she could, and sculpt a show-off that she did. After that, the maddened husband kicks her * again and everything will be repeated from the beginning.
In general, Pisces women are good, cute girls. Only in their head - f * dec. And at the competition among women "Zodiacal moron" women-Pisces receive the grand prix.
