The popularity of online dating and social networks has led to the fact that we are interested in the sincerity of the interlocutor. How to understand that you are being deceived when communicating on the Internet, in SMS or e-mails?
In the era of online dating and social networks, constantly exchanging messages, people are increasingly asking the question: "How to understand that I am being deceived when communicating on the Internet, in SMS or e-mail?" - writes the journalist of The Wall Street Journal Elizabeth Bernstein.
Many people feel in their gut that something is wrong in the message, but it can be very difficult to understand where the truth is and where the fiction is. Experts say that most of interpersonal communication is built with the participation of body language - gestures, facial expressions - as well as intonation. If we remove these elusive factors, as happens with digital correspondence, we are left with much less clues to understand what is what.
However, it is through emails that many relationships start to be formed, and by and large they remain the primary means of communication, so the ability to determine if someone is lying to you is very important.
You can be caught in a lie because people are often bad cheaters, says Tyler Cohen Woods, head of the Cyber Science and Technology Directorate of the US Defense Intelligence Agency, author of Catching the Catfishers: Disarm the Online Pretenders, Predators and Perpetrators Who Are Out to Ruin Your Life ". “Most people prefer to tell the truth,” she explains. “Therefore, when they lie, the truth still breaks out.”
You will definitely have hints. To recognize them, Cohen Woods offers a modified version of the method used by law enforcement: analysis of testimony, which consists in identifying deception by studying a person's words.
First of all, you should pay attention to how your interlocutor uses amplifying structures. “He’s not necessarily lying - rather, he wants you to believe what he’s saying. The same applies to those cases when the same thing is repeated in different ways."
“They would not repeat it if it was not important for them,” the expert emphasizes.
“In addition, it is necessary to pay attention to the expressions with which the author of the message distances himself from the addressee. In face-to-face communication, we unconsciously distance ourselves by crossing our arms in front of us. In writing, the same effect can be achieved by avoiding personal pronouns and mentions of oneself,”the article says.
For example, you send SMS with the following content: “Hello! I had a great time yesterday, didn't you? " And in response comes the message: "Yesterday was fun."
Pay attention to the unanswered questions: you are asking about something, and the interlocutor whirls or changes the subject.
"Red flags" are also evasive expressions - "probably", "should be", "maybe". “These words leave a way to escape,” explains Cohen Woods. There are also clarifying clauses: "to be honest," "just don't worry," "it's inconvenient to talk about it." They are often a sign that the following words are embarrassing to the author of the post.
Tyler Cohen Woods advises anyone who starts dating online to take a few simple precautions. Firstly, if something in the correspondence seemed strange, ask the interlocutor how he will react to the conversation by phone or via Skype. You can also ask to send a photo with the date and time stamped. Second, do not hesitate to ask questions and notice evasive answers, slips, and inconsistencies.
One "red flag" may be the result of a simple misunderstanding or sincere delusion, but several immediately indicate a serious problem, the expert is convinced.