Not everyone around us is our friend or allies. Until you know how to meet an attack, you are not ready to fight. Some effective advice on how to cope with the rejection of others.
Mark McGuinness, psychotherapist, writer and coach, in his new book Against Everything, gives effective advice on how to cope with the rejection of others.
He tells a story like this.
When I started aikido, the first thing I was taught was to fall and roll over correctly. The point is, unless you know how to meet an attack, you are not ready to fight.
We tumbled forward and backward, rolled left and right, trained single and double coups, somersaults grouped up and went into a stance. Sometimes one student held a wooden sword a few centimeters above the ground, and he had to roll over it. In other cases, the student would kneel on the mat, and we had to do somersaults through it without touching. Sometimes two or three students stood in a row, and we jumped over them, landing on the other side and doing a somersault.
At this point, technique is very important! Leaving the line of attack has two benefits. First, it protects against impact at full strength. If you stand and resist, being hit or falling can hurt you. But if you take the power of the blow and move with it, the chance of avoiding damage is much higher. Second, dodging an attacker gives you a fraction of a second to meet the next attack.
In case of rejection, the same principle works. If you try to resist and pretend that you are all one, it will still hit hard, you just will not be ready for it.
Rejection is painful. And that's okay. To stand up after a fall with dignity, do the following:
1. Left alone with yourself, allow yourself to feel all the emerging emotions - fear, anger, indecision, sadness. Don't try to rationalize or justify them.
2. Get away from the blow and believe that you will be able to go from the other side.
3. Don't keep feelings to yourself. Tell someone else about them: a friend, partner, teacher, mentor, anyone who cares about you, who will understand your situation and listen to you (but will not try to "fix" with their advice).
If you hide feelings like a genie in a bottle, in the end, at the most inopportune moment, the bottle will break and the contents will burst out in the form of a fit of anger or a river of tears.
4. Imagine that after giving up, you gave yourself forty-eight hours to get away from the blow and deal with the emotions it brought. Football coach Martin O'Neill always gives players forty-eight hours after a match to celebrate a victory or relive the bitterness of defeat. If the team has won, it is impossible for the victory to turn one's head. And if you lose, it is important for the coach to see how they feel on the way home. Seeing that they care.
5. Take a break, hang out with friends, heal wounds or be alone with yourself - do everything to cope with the consequences of the blow. If the impact is very severe, this may not be enough time for a full recovery, but this is a good starting point. By accustoming yourself to taking a break after every time you are rejected, you will recover faster and learn better from your experiences.