Many would like to learn how to conduct a confidential friendly conversation, exchange thoughts, feelings and desires. How to talk and listen to a person.
We should listen to each other, empathize, try to understand the thoughts, feelings and desires of the other. You can give advice, but only when asked, and certainly not in a patronizing tone. Few of us know how to listen. We are much better at speaking. Learning to listen is sometimes as difficult as learning a foreign language. But this will have to be done.
1. Look the other person in the eye. It helps you avoid distractions and shows that you are really mindful.
2. Do not be distracted by extraneous matters. Remember to give the other person your full attention. If you are busy with something serious and cannot stop, say about it: "I will listen to you with pleasure. But let me finish my business first, and in ten minutes I will be completely at your disposal." Such a request is unlikely to offend anyone.
3. Try to catch feelings. Try to understand what your interlocutor is experiencing at this moment. Check if you understood correctly: "I think you are upset because I forgot …" Such remarks bring clarity, and also show that you are listening carefully.
4. Watch for facial expressions and gestures. Fists clenched into fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed eyebrows, eye movements will help you better understand the interlocutor's feelings. Sometimes words say one thing and facial expressions another. When in doubt, check your guesses.
5. Don't interrupt. Recent studies show that usually a person listens attentively to the interlocutor for no longer than seventeen seconds, and then interrupts to speak for himself. Do not interrupt the interlocutor, you do not need to correct him, make excuses, defend your views. Your goal is to listen to him, to understand his feelings and thoughts.
