Now they are trying to impose afforestation treatment on men. But do all bald men want to return to the time of curly abundance?
What are you talking about, professor? Can baldness be cured? Why? After all, this means that something is wrong with him. That this is a disease of sorts, and that all bald men want to return to the curly abundance of our youth (or at least our middle years).
But I don't want to go back there, thanks. The times of styling gel, grease and spray conditioner that I spent so much money on that every Christmas I was disappointed if I didn't get a greeting card from Mr. Alberto VO5 himself. Sticky combs, sticky hair dryers - for God's sake, not that.
Not every balding person goes through this phase, I understand that. And the gods of trichology cursed me in a particularly rude manner. First by the fact that I got extremely miserable hair. As a teenager, I discovered that this is called a "combination." In my case, it was a combination of Princess Diana and Jim Reid, the musician of The Jesus And Mary Chain. And then I fell for David Bowie more than anything else, and so I had to compete with the man with the best hair in the world. But seriously, I would like to quote another person who would be better suited as a role model: "We all have to fight the cultural oppression of cranial vegetation."
I was not always happy with being in this category. When I was a little over 20 years old, I realized that I no longer have hair, but there are individual hairs. I tried to make it a joke then, but my self-deprecating humor wore out as quickly as my fibrous hair on my head, and I knew that I still wanted to change. So I drove to Birmingham and walked up the steps to some damp office where I was greeted by a full-length life-size cardboard image of Shane Warne. Today I believe that Shane Warne did the right thing on the confidence front. Just look at him before and after the course of treatment! Can you see life in its purest form now coursing through his veins and, more importantly, his follicles?
A certain smarmy guy - let's call him Matthew - tried to tackle my question and what else was growing on my head. Time has passed for a complete implantation, he told me, but there is another way to make things better. To do this, you need to glue a false scalp to what is left of my own, and then every few months pass a certain amount of plastic strands through some kind of creepy membrane. Thanks to this approach, in his opinion, my appearance will not seem strange to all those people who know me. Still, I thought, it makes sense to try. I may make new friends. And then there was one of the defining conversations of my life, and it happened when Matthew said: "Peter, this will cost 2,500 pounds." To which I replied: "Sorry, but I cannot afford it." And then Matthew said this: "But what price, Peter, are you willing to pay to look confident?"
Today I am grateful to Matthew, because it was at that moment that I realized that this was a simple hoax. Human hair consists of a pith, cortex and cuticle. According to experts, there is nothing in it that would be called confidence. I certainly am not one of those people who think that "religion poisons everything," but I believe that perhaps this whole story began with Samson, as well as with an incredible mixture of cause and effect. And a few more words about masculinity: male pattern baldness is usually caused by sensitivity to male sex hormones. If not, you have hair. In addition, those genes that make up another part of your body also have to do with your head.
I still have bad hairless days, usually after dreams in which I have my hair brushed as if I’ve just stepped out of the salon. And there was also a birthday present that my mother gave me sincerely. But the sooner we stop looking at baldness as something to treat and begin to see it as something that just happens, the happier and more confident we will all be.