25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
Anonim

No blues! 25 male tips for girls on how to behave with a man, what to say, what to do, how to keep him and successfully enslave him!

I will say right away - all advice does not claim to be the ultimate truth, does not guarantee the result and is not a universal remedy for every case. In addition, they are arranged without any sequence and written in plain language in the rough, straightforward language of a real sailor. If this does not bother you, go under the cut, but I urge men to finish writing their recipes for happy and wonderful relationships.

25 men's tips for women to keep a man

1. Dear girls. Don't fuck the guy's brain. Not about what to wear, not about why he came so late. I understand that this is difficult, but try not to fuck his brain. A broken brain is the reason for leaving the family from a grumpy wife to a still not grumpy mistress.

25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man

2. Leave the man his personal corner - a locked drawer of a desk or closet. Of course there is a terrible temptation to climb in there and see what lies there. And as a rule, there is nothing criminal there - a watch donated by his father, an unsigned postcard written in a woman's handwriting, a pen, a pair of pencils, a keychain, several coins, a key of unknown origin and an old student ID. And even the stamp you expect in the form of Playboy magazine will not be there. The horror is that you women do not hold back and open the private locked drawers of men. You do it inaccurately and the man always notices that someone has visited his space. But even if you do it carefully, you still can't resist starting to fuck your brain (item 1) about who wrote this postcard and this key from some secret apartment ?! To explain that the postcard was written by the first, still institute love, that the key to his father's apartment, and it is not good to climb on personal belongings, the man will not. He will simply understand that he cannot be left with anything at home and his personal space will move, at best, to a garage, at worst to another, already secret apartment.

Male secrets that a woman should know
Male secrets that a woman should know

3. Leave the man his personal space for hobbies. Fishing, football, stamp collecting, tennis, billiards or whatever. Do not encroach on his personal space. It is his, it was before you appeared in his life, and it will be after you part. If you take it away from him (- Are you going to your stupid football again ?! You were on it last week! Or - What kind of army friends? I'll go with you. No, I'm going, are you embarrassed? Why is it without women? What is happening there? And now I’ll go with you all the more !!!), a man may give up his hobby or hobby, but, believe me, as soon as you part, he will return to his space. And he will do it with relief. Do not make the man leave you, and even feel relief at the same time.

Men's advice to women
Men's advice to women

4. Men are terrible conservatives. Men, regardless of whether they love shopping or not, love their old, seemingly unnecessary or out of fashion things. Some kind of tattered sweater, jeans with frayed knees, a half-rotted wallet. God forbid you to throw something out of this. God forbid.

5. If a man does not like to go shopping - do not force him, it is better to say that you want to walk and agree to meet in some place. If you recently know each other and he does not offer you to pay for purchases - do not despair - perhaps he is just checking you how much you get bored with this news. But if he doesn't pay two more times, run away from him.

The role of women in the success of men
The role of women in the success of men

6. Respect a man's money. If you are not paying, never buy anything (from a handkerchief to a car) without asking how much it costs. The status of your relationship - whether you are married or just dating does not matter - if this money is not earned by you - respect it regardless of the amount. You didn't earn them.

7. Do not be jealous - it will still be jealous of the wrong one - men are too cunning to you to see through them. Women are more insidious and evil, they are more cruel, but men are more cunning and more accurate. And female jealousy in the end still turns into fucking the brain.

8. Do not seek to take possession of the man's money. It's disgusting, unpleasant and usually noticeable. The one who just loves wins. Not for money.

25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man

9. The bathroom, if shared, is not yours alone. We know perfectly well your ability to fill the entire surrounding space with vials, bottles, cosmetic bags, creams and other shit that sprouts by budding. But it is possible at least around the sink to leave free room for maneuver so that when washing a man (and a real man does not rub his eyes with a wet paw, but pours his face, snorts and splashes) he felt not like an elephant in a china shop, but like a hippo in a pool? Yes, and of course any shit like false curls, eyelashes and other naturalistic attributes from the world of Nazi Germany, hide so that he doesn't even know about them.

What infuriates men in girls?
What infuriates men in girls?

10. Since we have already got into the bathroom, I can not help but stop you in your desire (and it is present in all women in some manic form) to shave your man's legs with a razor. For him, it will be akin to how if you in Tibet touched a sacred figurine with your greasy hands after pilaf. I beg you very much - do not do this.

11. Yes, and here's another. In the shower - do not forget to switch the water after yourself from the overhead shower, which hangs from the ceiling, to the hand shower. There is nothing more disgusting than in the morning, half asleep, getting a charge of cold water on your head, just because you have multiple sclerosis.

12. Speaking of diseases. Do not tell a man about your illnesses if you have met recently and do not live together - if your boyfriend knows that you went to get tested and, out of politeness, is interested in the result - you do not need to tell in detail that you have found polyps in the rectum. Better die quietly and then you will forever remain a great martyr in his eyes.

13. Women are monstrously unkempt. Men are neat. Stories about scattered socks are the same cliche as bears on the streets of Moscow in the eyes of foreigners. In order to be convinced of my correctness, look into the salon and trunk of a woman's and a man's car. Feel the difference. And that is why a man values neatness. This is difficult, difficult, almost impossible for you, but you need to strain and clean up the wrappers from Raphael, orange peels and numerous things scattered around the bedroom. And preferably herself, because the man will marry you, not you and the housekeeper.

Male perspective on modern relationships
Male perspective on modern relationships

14. I'm sorry, but another common cliche about the fact that the way to a man's heart lies through the stomach, alas, not a cliche, but the truth of life. No matter how cool you fuck, sang with a guitar or cross-stitch, if you don't know how to cook, or you do it with a fucking twisted with hatred, you won't have a family life. At least happy for sure.

15. About sex. Even if a man is wearing a jacket, he knows how to drive and quotes Lermontov, he still remains a nasty, dirty, lustful male. A male hunter. And he needs his prey. Not food served in a bowl in the morning, afternoon and evening, but a fearful doe flapping with eyelashes, which must be caught up, caught, pinched and fucked in a secluded corner. Therefore, beautiful, intelligent, educated wives, after a while, when the passions are gone, they immediately lose to some nasty, stupid fools - saleswomen from a flower shop. And all the problems are that a man cannot be overfed. He should always be in good shape. He should always strive to win a prize. He must always be a little hungry. And you should not give him on demand when he wants to, but play with him, turn on, stir up passion and … now I myself will vomit from the next cliché, but this really needs to be done … to be an “unread book”. Tease and don't let it go. Give a little later. A good recipe for good sex.

33 male revelations for women. How can a woman keep a man?
33 male revelations for women. How can a woman keep a man?
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man

16. The ideal wife is a nun in public, and a prostitute in bed. I didn’t say it, it’s popular wisdom. Believe me, it’s true; a man should want you. Wanting all the time and only you. He should get up at the thought of you, and not of the saleswoman from the flower shop. To do this, you need not to relax and not walk in front of him in curlers, and even more so not to walk in front of him naked, with boobs falling out of a nightie, if this is not sex, but simply you are going to put the kettle on. Dear ones! Well, we're not in the bathhouse! A man doesn't have to get used to your body. Well, during sex, it is you who should be open and take the initiative in all sorts of perversions and other sexual pleasures. Why? Because it is behind you that there is a competition of saleswomen, waitresses and nurses. Do not relax in any way. If there is someone who gives a blow job better than you, your relationship is fucked up. Do not allow this situation, do not allow the penetration of competition, guard the perimeter. But not stupid and stupid jealousy, but the quality of sex that he gets from you. Go ahead all the time and always be one step ahead of everyone. You don't see them, but your enemies surround you and breathe down your back all the time. Be sexier than them. Remember them.

Pissed off women: female flaws through the eyes of men
Pissed off women: female flaws through the eyes of men
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man

17. All the time there should be an element of novelty, there should be no addiction. Now I will say a seditious thing and they will shower me with poop, but believe me, if there is such an opportunity - make yourself separate bedrooms. A man has the opportunity to calmly farts in his sleep, and you have to punish him by "depriving" of access to your bedroom. And the factor of inaccessibility and novelty is a terribly powerful thing in a relationship.

25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man
25 tips from men for women on how to keep a man

18. Take care of him. In the sense of everyday life. Supper, iron your trousers, tie a tie. Can't you? Learn to fuck! If they give you a Bentley with a manual box, I suppose you will quickly learn to drive, and it is even easier to tie a tie. A man can iron everything himself, cook food and tie a tie. But what a thrill when someone cares about him. Perhaps the last time it was his mom was when he was in school. In our age of speed and predatory, mercantile women, men do not have enough warmth and care, this is important for them

19. His mom. Mom, this is of course fucked up (with rare exceptions, like my gee-gee). But with mom you need to find a common language. Dick knows how, but mom is very influential. Mom is of tremendous importance in a man's life. And mom's tight ass every time she sees you is a problem. Don't give up! The ass should not be tightened and then everything will be in order.

Secret unspoken female rules that all girls silently follow
Secret unspoken female rules that all girls silently follow

20. His children are from previous women. Love them. It is desirable sincerely. If you manage to drag his children over to your side, he is yours. You can read how to win the love of children in any manual in the bookstore. Not too hard science.

21. His past women. Fuck with them. Forget about them. You don't need jealousy, you don't need interrogations, you don't need to tear photos and break a vase, accidentally learning that SHE gave it once. Spit it. Think about yourself and the flower saleswoman. In the past, like on a skating rink - there is no fish.

Men's advice to women
Men's advice to women

22. His friends. This is sacred. One wants to drink with them - let him go. If he wants with you, be sure to go. Laugh at their moronic anecdotes, drink vodka with them, put them to sleep in the meat of a drunken friend in your house. But then they will say to him in private: - Yes-ah-ah … You were lucky with her! You have a cool one. And for men, the approval of friends is extremely important and worth a lot.

23. Never. Never. Never argue with a man in front of his friends. By doing this, you terribly belittle his self-esteem in their eyes and publicly turn him into a henpecked one. At home, yes. In public - no.

24. Always protect him. Did the traffic cop get fucked? Do not read SMS, buried in the phone - at least stand there - like you are worried. Are they making fun of your company? Stand up to the defense. Some kind of dispute at the table, and you do not think like him? Give him your opinion at home, and take his position at the table. Fight? Take off your shoes and rush straight into the thick of things to protect and separate. You run the risk of earning a fingal and breaking a lip, but this feat will remain in his heart forever.

Signs of girls who can only be used for sex
Signs of girls who can only be used for sex
Tips for women
Tips for women

25. The last advice. Do not listen to anyone's advice other than mine. Let your girlfriends-advisers take care of their families (as a rule, for some reason, such advisers have a complete failure with their families) and do not creep into your life. Anything can happen, but your life is your life and it's up to you how to be and what to do. Well, in any situation, as a last resort, you can say to yourself - Everything is done, everything is for the best.

Stills from the movie "Love and Other Drugs" finskirobo

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