You do not fulfill your duties, stay late at work and do it of your own free will. You have become a victim of manipulation at work, but how can you protect yourself from being manipulated?
Something inexplicable happens at work: you are not performing your duties, for some reason you stay late and cannot go on vacation. And, what is most surprising, you do it exclusively of your own free will. What's going on? Chances are, your boss or coworker is honing their manipulation skills on you. How can you protect yourself from a manipulator?
Reception is the first. Dodge the attack
Some of your colleagues show you numerous courtesies - bringing candy or helping you carry a stack of documents to your boss's office. Why are they doing this? It is worth considering. Plus, if your colleague doesn't really like the rest of the team, then there's an even greater chance of a catch. It is quite possible that, as soon as possible, he will ask you for small favors, for example, to do what was entrusted to him.
This method of manipulation operates on the principle “you are for me - I am for you”. It consists in the fact that, according to all the rules of good manners, you seem to have no right to refuse someone who has previously shown you such friendly signs of attention. In this case, the manipulator will try to play on your feelings of guilt and awkwardness. How to protect yourself from such a manipulator? As soon as they begin to show you heightened signs of attention, give something, treat something, etc., ask yourself: what is happening? Why is all this being done? The answers can be very diverse: maybe they are courting you, they are trying to please you, or they are planning to manipulate you. In the event that such signs of attention are unpleasant to you, you can politely say so. Or you can accept them with gratitude, but in no case should you allow the feeling that you now owe something to this person.
Reception second. Separate deeds and feelings
If you hear from a colleague from the beginning of the working day: “Oh, I feel so bad, the pressure is jumping, I have no idea how to submit a report in this state …”, then you can be sure that they are trying to manipulate you. Playing with pity is practically the surest way. Indeed, it is very difficult to deny help to a colleague in a difficult situation. At this moment, both the corporate spirit and purely human compassion awaken. It would seem that there is nothing of the kind - to perform a couple of times for a colleague of his own work, since this is how the circumstances develop for him. But if you are constantly used, as a person who is always ready to come to the rescue, then you should think about whether you need to spend your energy and time on this.
One must learn to distinguish between helping a colleague who is really in trouble and falling under the control of a manipulator. Separate your affairs and concerns from each other. Listen carefully to the person who is complaining about something, you may even sympathize. And then turn the conversation into a business course: "I understand you, I know, it's not easy for you, but you still need to write a report."
Reception is the third. Prophylaxis
The methods of manipulation can be different and it is almost impossible to recognize them immediately. Therefore, the best way to be prepared to defend against a manipulator is through prevention. You need to clearly understand that a manipulator is a person who plays on your weaknesses. Do not strive to be the first in everything. A person who works for half a department is not at all the best of the workers, but only for the whole one on which these very half of the department "plow". The manipulator usually uses the same method. Therefore, having fallen under his "divorce" once, try to make sure that this does not happen again. Decide what needs to be done for this, analyze the situation.
Think more about yourself and then you will not be afraid of manipulation.
Photo: Ryan Ritchie flickr.com/ryantron