Omnivorous. Disregard for delights. I am for omnivorousness. I am for healthy asceticism and disregard for delights. Burst what is given!
“I don’t eat it” - this is, perhaps, the very phrase that turns me into a raging genie or even ifrit! Just imagine! So I grab the girl by the braid on the street, seduce her with a fiery look, strum with all sorts of men's personal belongings, with geeks and the stomp of morocco boots I dance in front of her a quadrille, a lezginka and an apple at the same time … get married as soon as the sun goes down, and I invite, that means, to the restaurant!
I call the best Dagestan cab driver in an eggplant-colored Zhiguli, whip him all the way on the back and nose, we brake with a creak at the porch of the best tavern in the neighborhood - everything is of the highest quality, mind you! Chaldeans jump out, sex and all the stinking servants, they invite us to the chambers, separate curtains, the cushions on the stools beat hastily, obsequiously bow, the dust is wiped off the plates, the list of dishes is shoved into our hands …
They bring us overseas fruit and strong clear wine. And for a snack - Volga carp stuffed with buckwheat porridge and porcini mushrooms, casserole with cod and garlic, bunny navels and a French salad of sausage with peas and eggs! Oh, what would I have lived like this even after retirement!
And then she, the beauty of her eyes, captivating me right in the middle of Strastnoy Boulevard (for example) - starts picking with her fork so picky in all this, wrinkling her face and wrinkling her nose!
For the rest
And then I start to be indignant! Fist on the countertop! With a bootleg on the floorboard! And I shout menacingly: “I'll weigh you all, bull udder, on the eaves right now! Yes, how can a person with such romantic feelings be so dirty, a rocker in your temple! Stale to serve ?! Ostrog is crying for you !!!"
My young lady was all frightened, she bit her sponge and pulls me back by the sleeve of the caftan to the bench.
“But no,” I say. - I'll arrange for them now! They will know how to shame the suitors of my kind !!!
- Calm down, you devil rabid, - answers the beauty. - There is no malicious intent here, and all the products, by God, are fresh and fresh!
- So why are you, my dear, poking at them with a fork and wrinkling your photograph ?! - I ask in bewilderment …
And then she answers me. I, he says, just don't eat onions. And I can't stand garlic. And I don’t eat fat in principle, I go to fitness, I am fond of bicycles. Besides, I see that mayonnaise is too much in salads - and I don't consume it at all - well, just a little, on holidays. I can't digest veal tails, pork ears are nauseous, bread with cumin makes me sick, and I hate the liver since childhood, as well as any entrails in general. I don't eat udder, I deny tripe. I will read your gentlemen's flasks with slops. Fu, byaka! I understand, of course, the lord of my heart, that you wanted to hit me and butter me up - but I don’t eat that … Excuse me!
And then I take a heavy stool with my right hand … No, it's too cruel. And then I swing my fist angrily clenched … No, this is also impossible. And then I pinch her nose with two fingers, lead her to the restaurant porch and kick the autumn dank ones from the culinary delight temple into the mud.
Know when to stop in your fastidiousness, oh woman! And the necks of geese, baked in prunes, nod in agreement with me, and grunting approvingly pork dimes with sauce.
Buckwheat porridge is our mother. Amen.
I've been eating everything. And already ate a lot! And what I haven't eaten yet - I will definitely eat it! No selectivity. I respect the denial of some products only because of the following diseases: gastritis, ulcers, volvulus. Diarrhea and constipation are not quoted - the first must still be replenished, and the second must be kicked out with a wedge.
In fact, if it's no joke, let someone try to explain to me, although many have already tried - why do many people simply do not like certain products? After all, everything except love and lust must have a rational explanation! Don't eat onions? Why? Just do not like. Well, how can it be - it was created especially for you by extraterrestrial agronomists! Eat it! Are you picking cracklings out of mashed peas? Why?! They are nasty. What are you talking about, really ?!
When, long ago in childhood, my dad, who is also a doctor, and in his spare hours is also a fisherman, often asked me the question: "What if there is a war?" His post-war childhood was uncomplicated and not very easy. And the question is partly justified. Just imagine really that - bam, and war. Will you pick out the onion and cracklings? Hell no. You will dream about crumbs and look for sluggish carrots in the trenches. And they won't.
Of course, it's hard for today's generations to understand what I'm talking about here. What kind of war? After all, there is a disco on Saturday! What crumbs, because the chocolate bar is Foreva! Indeed, as soon as our territory ceased to be one geopolitical community, and the armored train, which was always on the side track, was sold for a pittance - people began to desperately wander around for a couple of generations. This is not so, it is not that way.
And I - for the severity. I am for omnivorousness. I am for healthy asceticism and disregard for delights. Burst what is given! And forgive me for the confusion in my thoughts and feelings.