Men and ringtones. An attempt at a frivolous classification
Men and ringtones. An attempt at a frivolous classification

Men are extremely mysterious creatures. Everything about them is incomprehensible and suspicious, unclear and in a fog. Ringtone on the phone is the key to male psychology.

Men are mysterious creatures. Everything about them is incomprehensible and suspicious, unclear and in a fog. You look: there is a male Homo Sapiens in front of you. Big, strong, confident. Or small, weak and sloppy? Which one exactly? Where is this sign? Why is there no creeping line, for example, on the forehead? How do you know what he is thinking? What does he want? How to predict his behavior in a given situation?

Over the history of coexistence, women have come up with many ways to roughly unravel a man and assess his abilities. Everything was: an assessment of temperament by the length of the fingers, reliability and honesty - by the slanting fathom in the shoulders, sincerity - by the color of the eyes. Some people still believe that the length of the foot overlaps with various other lengths in the male body … Separate mention should be made of the desire of some young ladies to evaluate a man by his clothes, by his apartment, by the clock, finally. Of course, this is very significant … in terms of creditworthiness. But here's how to guess what's going on inside a man? Maybe he put on this suit not at all because he wanted to, but because the dress code? Maybe a service car, dad's, on credit, for the last money? What if he generally likes bicycles, but now - the director of a reputable company, but in shorts, sneakers and pedals … Not serious somehow.

The principle of unscrupulousness. All strong unprincipled and weak moralists
The principle of unscrupulousness. All strong unprincipled and weak moralists

But the ringtone is completely voluntary. No one will ever force a man to download music, from which he will be returned. In the end, if there is nowhere to go, it will leave the standard equipment.

So the ringtone is the key to male psychology. And this is unambiguous. And that is why you need to listen to the sounds that come from men's mobile phones

So first, what is a ringtone? This is a set of sounds, whose configuration evokes a charge of positive emotions. And you want to hear this sequence more often, more often … And where can you hear it even more often, if not in your own phone?

Themes from the series and films "Boomer", "Brigade", "Antikiller", etc. For those who are not in the know, I tell you - these are opuses about bandits. Transparent analogies already suggesting? And if a young man is dressed in a tracksuit, around his neck there is a golden chain of incredible thickness, tattoos on each finger and he does not express himself with the help of obscene language, but communicates … Then somewhere deep inside he has a very textured criminal. Not to be confused with a rapper - the image troubles are the same, but the set of notes is still in a different sequence.

The topic is developed in the next section: chanson. This is chanson outside the borders of our poor Motherland - city songs, poetry about contemporaries and romantics, about love on the street, strasse and ryu, about feelings in the light of electric lanterns. Our chanson sings the romance of being behind bars, in dark stuffy cells, close male friendship in prison and attempts to get out of this very prison. Sometimes, for the lyrics, they add different Tonek and Marusek, who somewhere out there are surely waiting for a repeat offender, and for intrigue - a parent-prosecutor and twin wolves. The composition adds to the artistic value, if the talented owner of a hoarse and drunken voice has already been shot by his own sidekick. And, by the way, one shouldn't think that the criminal chansonchik is listened to only by those who nevertheless were released … Nothing of the kind! It is they who have stocked up on this joy in prison for many years, they have enough. Domestic chanson is put on ringtones … callous and ruthless people with displaced centers of honor. For example, he is sure that it is a man's duty to cut the abuser. Such beats - it means that he loves. Drinking means suffering. It doesn't work because it's not a horse, it steals because it wants to. And so on down the list.

Stay true to yourself, but betray the rest of the traitors
Stay true to yourself, but betray the rest of the traitors

Cartoon songs. So, maybe your future chosen one drives a big and terrible car (I do not mean KAMAZ), but in his heart he is a child … What? An infantile undergrowth? Nothing of the kind - a child. It's just that now his toys are much more expensive.

Classic. But this one can hang a sign: "Hello, I am a snob." And the less known the author and the work, the more pronounced the snobbery. All of the above does not apply to Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Wagner. This is pop music … Yes, and "Flight of the Bumblebee" to the same place.

Various instrumental. By the way, it is very pragmatic, such ringtones sound best on mobile phones. Convenient, pleasant and a guarantee that you will not meet another one of the same kind. A man with such ringtones is as reliable as a Swiss bank … Who said boring?

Domestic rock. The man still wants to fight the regime. It means that a rebel lives in him, and that's good. Your first date is with a beer, but at the North Pole. You will travel to Cuba on your honeymoon. Perhaps make a revolution … Or maybe fly to Jamaica, to the places of military glory of BG. What are the rastamans doing there … ugh, revolutionaries, I understand. No, definitely a fun category. The main thing is not to let sleep. And protect from overdose. Foreign rock. Worse. Do you remember how foreign rock stars end up? Brrr …

Domestic pop music. What is the waste product of various producers good for? They are constantly multiplying, born and interchangeable. This means that the influx of fresh ringtones will be provided. Someone says: pop music, they say, is played only by narrow-minded people … Well, I don't know. Why is she even needed then, this pop music? At home, for relaxation, listening? To develop aesthetic taste? Pop music is foreign. The same, only the accompaniment is professional, but the language is foreign.

Fight for the best
Fight for the best

Jazz, blues. Well, this is a real fan. Connoisseur. Only a keen ear of a true admirer can catch the languid rhythms of blues and exquisite jazz sounds in the hiss of the tiny speaker of a mobile phone.

Telephone voices. Like: "Master, this is your phone, pick up the phone" or "Hey, you, you got a text message." What can I say here? The owner of the ringtone is a lonely person, he doesn't even have anyone to talk to. So, so as not to run wild, he talks to the phone …

But there is a number of ringtones that do not fall into any categories (not in meaning, in sensations). That is why I will single out them separately …

Group "Via Gra". The candidate has another immortal hit from sexy girls on his phone. It is very good. This means that the man has a developed fantasy, he is prone to thinking and daydreaming. Each call is a reason to imagine … And "Via Gra" has something to present … Not sure? Do you think he likes their voices? Oh well.

Crazy frog with male genitals. Here's a look at the hero in the video: a naked frog (or toads) destroys the psyche of robots, Santa Claus and listeners. Class! I like.

Dima Bilan (no matter which song). No, it's not for nothing, it's not for nothing that I placed it between the frog and the cow … Oh, you don't need to beat me! That's all, I'm not touching Dima …

A crazy cow with lambs on a dancer - an international polka. The man who installed such a tune on his phone … is like a spy. Why? It's simple. What is the main task of a spy? Don't stand out, blend in with the crowd on the street. The best way to do this with minimal cost is to join the 100 million unhealthy cow fan base.

How to expand your social circle?
How to expand your social circle?

The star of all time is Verka Serduchka. I have a friend … Chrysler, Italian suits, manicure, perfect haircut and glamorous stubble. Higher education and a well-functioning business. Paphos and self-sufficiency. And in an expensive phone - Verka. What to say? That a transvestite died in him? Rave. Does a person want to relax? Do not know. Mystery…

This, of course, is not all. The classification is incomplete. It is still to expand and expand …

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