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If colleagues are gossiping behind your back … If you are tired of nagging … If you go to the office, as if you were going to be executed …
If colleagues are gossiping behind your back … If you are tired of nagging … If you go to the office as if you were going to be executed … Perhaps you have become a victim of mobbing. Or, more simply, bullying at work.
Remember how in kindergarten or in elementary grades the children joked at someone from the group? Now imagine that all this transferred into adulthood and into your workplace. Only instead of offensive nicknames or thrown balls of water - denunciations, gossip and petty dirty tricks.
But in adulthood, unlike in a sandbox, you cannot give your opponent a hit. But it is not possible to come to an agreement with him peacefully. And now the victim is driven not only to dismissal, but also to neurosis and even to attempts to leave this life.
A flock of comrades
Usually, mobbing is not a natural phenomenon. He has an instigator, to whom all the others join. And, perhaps, mobbers have never been friends. But, with the goal of poisoning someone, they can suddenly unite.
Natalia andriyanova, psychologist, master of business coach:
“Many managers are now adopting the Western labor system, Western attitudes, encouraging intra-corporate competition. In such companies, mobber employees demonstrate, by their behavior, adherence to the company's values, which they understand as intimidation and harassment of the weak by the strong. But abroad, mobbing is fiercely fought. A manager or a colleague-mobber can be sued and fired for bullying, companies hire specialists who are involved in resolving work conflicts. We do not have all this yet. Another reason for mobbing in our country is that many firms are built on family and friendship ties. In such and such companies, strangers do not stay for a long time."
Shouts, provocations of conflicts, whispering behind the back - this is the mobber's arsenal. There are also other methods, for example:
Ignoring. The victim is not invited to the dining room, to the smoking room, they do not communicate with her and do not even greet her. It seems to be a trifle, but unpleasant.
Deprivation of information. The victim is not given instructions regarding her work.
Contempt for luck. Usually the victim works better than the rest, however, she may not wait for the well-deserved praise. Others pretend that all her achievements are a trifle.
Trying to make office life miserable. For example, mobbers turn on music loudly when the victim is busy with an important project, and the like.
Attempts to damage your reputation, both personal and professional. The victim's husband can be called anonymously and informed about her non-existent affair with management. And the boss may be told that too often she leaves work early and comes back later.
Inflating the conflict from a minor, insignificant flaw of the victim, or even out of the blue. If a well-disposed person expresses dissatisfaction calmly and face to face, then mobbers arrange a collective "stoning".
War is like war
The worst thing for the victim is that she gradually remains alone. At first, a person does not understand that he is being bullied on purpose, begins to worry about his work, respond to criticism, and work harder. But the better it works, the more nitpicking. As a result, not a trace remains of the former self-confidence.
Moreover, it is almost impossible to prove intentional persecution. Mobbers will simply make round eyes: “She misunderstood us! We just expressed our opinion."
Mobbing targets usually differ in some way from their colleagues. Maybe education, maybe looks, marital status, or income level.
Often the victims of bullying are those who have just come to their first job or, conversely, have been working for too long. They are afraid of newcomers because they do not know their capabilities: what if the whole thing gets screwed up? "Old men" are suspected of friendly relations with the leadership and denunciations.
The “risk group” invariably includes employees who have been suddenly promoted or demoted: the former are rumored as favorites of the bosses, and the latter are branded as weaklings and non-professionals.
In addition, those who are appointed to the place of one of the quit or, especially, dismissed employees should be ready for trouble.
And, finally, successful specialists, alas, have every chance to be convinced of the validity of the eastern proverb: "A nail sticking out is hammered in."
How to beat mobbing
Take a closer look and identify the source of the danger. Which employee feels most comfortable, invulnerable? Who spends breaks with whom? Who is the leader in such groups? Do the factions get along with each other? Did any of the "oldies" apply for your position?
Usually a mobber behaves aggressively with everyone. If you see a person who is constantly "biting" others, beware, he can start and for you.
You need to talk to the aggressor immediately. Even if you don't have concrete evidence of his intrigues. The conversation can start with a direct question: “I got the impression that you hate me. Listen, why? " Seeing that the chosen victim is not a snail that is just about to sink into the shell, but a person capable of fighting back, the aggressor may retreat. And it doesn’t matter if he pretends not to understand what the speech is about: knowing that he is “under the hood,” he will surely think hard before messing up again.
Try to find an ally among your colleagues and, if possible, make him a witness to attacks on you. It is possible to keep score of such cases with time stamps and participants. You can even make dictaphone recordings. It seems ridiculous, but then how can you prove that you are being attacked regularly and not for business?
Report the problem to your boss. This will only work if your boss is not a tyrant and despot, but really cares about team cohesion. Ask him to clearly explain your job responsibilities. At the very least, you will have more opportunities to defend yourself against unfair accusations of incompetence and indiscipline.
Do not openly conflict with the mobber. Perhaps, realizing that you have allies, he will soon fizzle out and stop attacking. If you emotionally react to every nagging, the mobber will understand that you will soon give up positions, and will triple your efforts. The tactic of impenetrable calm is much more effective.
Do not give reasons to slander you. Therefore, try not to participate in other people's showdowns, do not pass on gossip and unverified information to others.
Find flaws in your opponent's work. One cannot only defend oneself, one must strike a blow at the enemy's pride. If criticism begins during leadership, calmly listen to the end and lay out your arguments.
Olga sorokina, psychologist:
“The worst type of mobbing is bossing, when your own boss acts as the aggressor. Such chefs have a constant staff turnover. They are used to eating one or two employees a month, and if the team is small, out of boredom, the cannibal can accidentally eat up even his own deputies. Of course, he will never admit that the problem is in him and in his cannibalism. He will figure out to himself that you consider yourself smarter or do not hold him for the boss at all, and he will begin to survive you. Unfortunately, if a mobber is your boss, it is very difficult to deal with him. You can try to negotiate with him, you can only communicate through intermediaries. But if everything is in vain, then the only way out is to turn to the authorities “above him”. This is an extreme option, as stepping over the head will make the boss even more angry, and higher officials may not want to understand your squabbles. Think, do you really need such a dishonest boss and the dubious honor of working with a mobber?"